I’m sitting in the living room on what should be a perfectly ordinary Sunday afternoon, watching Pandora type something on her laptop while Mr Whiskers is curled against my leg, purring with the sort of relentless mechanical consistency that people insist is supposed to be calming. Normally I would agree with them, but there are circumstances under which a cat vibrating against your thigh only makes it more difficult to concentrate, particularly when something elsewhere in the house is clearly wrong. In this case, the problem is John Mercer. He has been in his room for almost an hour, and during that entire time I haven’t heard him laugh, complain, swear at a video game, open the refrigerator, ask whether we have anything to eat, or wander into the living room to tell me something I didn’t ask to know. I glance toward the hallway, then at Pandora. “John’s quiet.” She continues typing. “Good for John.” I wait for her to elaborate, but apparently she considers that a complete assessment of the situation.
I try to return my attention to the television, but now that I’ve noticed the silence, I can’t stop noticing it. There is a fundamental problem with living with another person long enough to learn the normal range of noises they produce: eventually, the absence of those noises becomes a noise of its own. John usually maintains a fairly dependable background presence in the house. A cabinet opens. The refrigerator closes. Something falls over in his room. He laughs at something on his phone. He walks into the kitchen, forgets why he went there, and stands in front of the refrigerator anyway. Today there is nothing. I mute the television so I can listen more carefully, which causes Pandora to look up from her laptop. “What are you doing?” she asks. “Nothing.” She looks at the muted television, then at me. “You’re listening for John, aren’t you?” I tell her I’m not listening for John. I’m simply establishing whether the unusual absence of household activity continues when competing audio sources are removed. Pandora stares at me for a moment, then returns to her laptop. “So you’re listening for John.” There are times when explaining methodology to Pandora feels unnecessarily difficult.
Mr Whiskers continues purring beside me, apparently unconcerned, although I’m not convinced that means anything. This is the same cat who recently demonstrated that he can lead three adults to a missing toy and then behave as though we were the ones who had finally caught up, so I’m no longer comfortable using his apparent relaxation as evidence that everything is normal. I put my hand on his back and feel the steady vibration beneath my palm. “Do you know what John’s doing?” Mr Whiskers opens his eyes, looks at me, and closes them again. Pandora doesn’t even bother looking up. “Please don’t interrogate the cat.” I remind her that asking a single question does not constitute an interrogation. “You asked him questions for twenty minutes yesterday.” That was different. Yesterday involved an active evidentiary trail. Today I’m merely checking whether he possesses relevant information. Pandora says that distinction exists only in my head, which seems dismissive considering that my head is exactly where distinctions are normally kept.
Eventually I decide that passive observation has reached its useful limit, so I get up and walk toward the hallway. I’m not investigating. I live here. Walking through my own house cannot reasonably be classified as investigative activity merely because I happen to reduce my speed as I approach John’s door. When I reach it, I hear something faint from inside. Not talking. Not music. More like a soft, repetitive clicking. I stand there for several seconds trying to identify it before Pandora calls from the living room, “Hal.” I turn around. “What?” She is looking over the top of her laptop now. “Leave John alone.” I explain that I haven’t touched the door, knocked on the door, opened the door, or spoken to John. Technically, I am standing in a hallway. “You’re standing six inches from his door with your head tilted sideways.” I straighten my head immediately because I don’t appreciate how incriminating that description sounds.
I return to the couch, but now I have additional information. There is clicking. That changes things. John isn’t asleep, which eliminates one explanation, and he isn’t watching television, which eliminates another. I tell Pandora this. She asks why I need an explanation for what our roommate is doing in his own room on a Sunday afternoon. “Because he’s behaving differently.” Pandora closes her laptop halfway and gives me the expression she usually reserves for conversations she knows are about to become longer than necessary. “Maybe he’s reading.” I remind her about the clicking. “Maybe he’s on his computer.” Possible, but John usually makes considerably more noise when he’s on his computer. “Maybe he’s working.” On Sunday? Pandora points out that I have spent the better part of twenty minutes conducting an acoustic analysis of a bedroom door on Sunday, so apparently unusual weekend activities are not unprecedented in this household. I don’t think those situations are comparable, but before I can explain why, Mr Whiskers gets up, stretches, jumps down from the couch, and walks directly toward John’s room.
Now I have movement. I follow at a reasonable distance, mostly because the kitchen happens to be in approximately the same direction, and Mr Whiskers stops outside John’s door. He sniffs along the bottom, sits down, and stares at it. I stop too. “Interesting,” I say. Pandora calls from behind me, “No, it isn’t.” Mr Whiskers gives one short meow. There is a pause, and then the clicking stops. A few seconds later John opens the door and finds Mr Whiskers sitting directly in front of him and me standing several feet farther back in what I believe is a completely defensible location. John looks at the cat, then at me. “What’s going on?” I tell him nothing is going on and ask what he’s been doing. “Working on something.” I wait. He waits. “What kind of something?” John looks back into his room, then at me again. “I was fixing my keyboard.” This is not the answer I expected, primarily because I hadn’t actually developed an expected answer yet.
John steps aside and points toward his desk. His computer keyboard is partially disassembled, with several keys removed and a small cleaning brush sitting beside it. Apparently he spilled soda on it the previous night and several keys had begun sticking, so he had spent the afternoon quietly removing keycaps, cleaning underneath them, and testing the switches. The mysterious clicking was simply John repeatedly pressing keys to see whether they worked. His unusual silence was explained by the fact that the activity required concentration, and his failure to wander into the kitchen was explained by the sandwich, bag of chips, and bottle of water sitting on his desk. I look at the evidence for several seconds before asking why he didn’t mention any of this earlier. John shrugs. “Because I spilled soda on my keyboard. I didn’t realize the household required a briefing.” From the living room Pandora says, “It doesn’t.” I point out that a brief announcement could have prevented unnecessary uncertainty. John asks whether anyone besides me experienced uncertainty. Pandora says no. Mr Whiskers walks into John’s room without permission.
That should have settled everything, and for the most part it did. John repaired his keyboard, Pandora returned to whatever she had been doing, and I restored the television volume to its previous setting. I even acknowledged that my initial concern had been disproportionate to the available evidence, which I consider meaningful personal growth. Mr Whiskers eventually returned from John’s room and curled up beside me again, resuming the same steady purr as before. For several minutes, everything felt completely normal. Then I noticed something. Mr Whiskers had carried one of John’s loose keyboard keys back into the living room and was holding it between his paws. I picked it up before he could chew it and looked at the letter printed on top. It was Q. I stared at it for a moment before Pandora noticed. “What?” she asked. “Nothing,” I said, putting the key on the coffee table. Pandora narrowed her eyes. “Hal.” “I said nothing.” Mr Whiskers reached for the Q again, so I moved it farther away. I’m not saying the letter means anything. Obviously, John had removed dozens of keys, and Mr Whiskers could have selected any one of them completely at random. I’m just saying the cat chose Q. And that seems like an unusually specific letter.




