Ever since December 1st, 2007 it seemed that every commercial on local t.v. was that the University of Hawaii warriors went 12-0 on the season. It is now December 31st, 2007 and I am so sick of hearing about how great the University of Hawaii is. This is the 1st year ever that they went …
December 2007 archive
Jane & Arlene
Jane and Arlene are outside the nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Arlene: Where …
Christmas Trees Around the World
Rockefeller Center, New York The Capitol, Washington DC Trafalgar Square in London The Romer, Frankfurt’s City Hall Red, White and Blue [on display at an unknown location] Puerta del Sol in Madrid St. Peter’s Square in Rome Galeries Lafayette in Paris A chapel in Germany’s Karwendel mountains The largest Christmas tree in Europe [over 230 …
Christmas Cookie Recipe
Ingredients: 1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups of dried fruit 1 bottle Crown Royal Instructions: – Sample the Crown Royal to check quality. – Take a large bowl, check the Crown …
Urine Test
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do …
Stun Gun
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this : Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something …
West Virginia Mountain Woman
A West Virginia mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home, she asked her husband, “What is a specimen?” He replied, “Danged if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She’s a nurse.” The woman …
Laundry
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!” She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the …
10 New Work Rules
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance …
Wyoming Cowboy
A WYOMING cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban Sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly …
Three Quaterbacks
God asks Peyton Manning first: “What do u believe?” Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work and staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do the right by my fans.” God can’t help but …
Moved To Alaska
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months …
We Do Not Spank
Most of America’s populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of “those moments.” One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our …
Minorities – Show Some Compassion
They travel miles in the heat. They risk their lives crossing a border. They don’t get paid enough wages. They do jobs that others won’t do or are afraid to do. They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language. They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day …
The Flasher
Three older ladies named Rose, Pam and Martha were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.¬¨‚Ć The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.¬¨‚Ć Rose immediately had a stroke.¬¨‚Ć Then Pam also had a stroke.¬¨‚Ć …