A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair; she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. ‘ What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior, ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’ ‘It was,’ sighed the Sister, ‘and I went to play golf with my brother. …
July 2008 archive
E-Tail and Retail Stores
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge and a comparison of online and retail stores. Also included in this document is a comparison of how buying a product online differs from buying a product from a retail store and which products are better suited to be sold online …
Aloha Hawaii, Konnichiwa Japan
Well, there comes a time in everyone’s life where you come to a fork in the road on your path to the future. My road has came to that fork and I have chosen to move to Japan. For the past seven years Hawaii has been an o.k. place to live, but it wasn’t exactly …
Words Women Use:
1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game …
Golf Sign in Arizona
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona: 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN. 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING …
Drunk Walks Out of a Bar
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches “Can I help you sir?” “Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr” the man replies. The cop asks “Where was your car the last time you saw it” …
New Wiper Blades
I got a new set of wiper blades on my car. I think they might be too long because they hang over the edges a little, but I don’t care, they work great. I would have to say that they are the only blades I have ever had that I actually like to watch. It’s …
Bobby Ray and Susie May Getting Down
Bobby Ray and Susie Jane were fooling around out in the cornfield when Bobby Ray said, “Oh Susie Jane, I am getting so horny, you just have to let me have some.” Susie Jane said, “Well, maybe I will, but it is going to cost you a quarter.” Bobby Ray dug down in his pocket …
Information Systems and Users
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of how users interact with information systems by utilizing input and output devices, computer performance factors, network performance issues, and correlating them to the online virtual campus. [Content] When viewing the American Intercontinental University online virtual campus system as an information …
New Cowboy Boots
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas, ‚Ä®Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. ‚Ä®‚Ä® Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and‚Ä® said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’‚Ä®‚Ä® Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’‚Ä®‚Ä® Frustrated, Bert …
Robot Lie Detector
John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, …
Dusty Underwear
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!” His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the …
Buried at Sea
Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up …
Lil’ Johnny Strikes Again…
Teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. First pupil: “Tylenol?” Teacher: “Very good! And what is it used for?” Pupil: “It is used for headaches” Second pupil: “Nytol Teacher” Teacher: “Excellent. And what it is used for?” Pupil: “To help you sleep” Now it is Johnny’s …
Take a Drop Guys!
There is a reason you don’t go into the weeds where it’s warm and wet looking for your golfball!
Two Prostitutes – $50.00
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which read: ‘Two Prostitutes — $50.00.’ Suddenly a passing patrol officer spotted the sign displayed on the top of their car, stopped them, and warned them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail. About that time, another …
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies” he responded. “Oh. Killing any?” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked; “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, …
After almost 60 years of marriage…
An elderly gent was invited to an old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 60 years and, clearly, they were still very much …
Kaneohe BayFest 2008 – 3 Doors Down
This year for BayFest 2008 some of the bands playing are 3 Doors Down, Live, Everclear, and some country singer. It’s not everyday that a southern rock band comes to Hawaii so it’s a great chance to go check out some real music, as opposed to this local style music, and rock things out a …
4th of July in Hawaii
In Hawaii people don’t make as big of a deal about the Independence day of the United States, that is probably due to the large Asian population living in Hawaii. They seem to make a bigger deal out of New Year’s Eve than they do the 4th of July. So this year I went to …