I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it; I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day, I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said, “Let’s get a pair for each outfit.”
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all, dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently, I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least now she knows I’m smarter than her.