Author's posts
Italian Solution
A Catholic priest, a doctor, a rich businessman , and an Italian Guy from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian Guy from New York fumed, ‘What’s with those frickin’ jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’ The doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t …
Dentist Appointment
After an excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend, Jerry remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times, used dental floss 8 times & on top of that gargled 1 litre of Listerine. As he arrived at the …
Mouse is Jammed
Caller: Hi, our printer is not working. Customer Service: What is wrong with it? Caller: Mouse is jammed.. Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don’t have a mouse! Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really?… I’ll send a picture.
The Golf Nut
Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance …
A Bridge Too Far
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, ‘because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’ The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii …
First Time Sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has …
Father
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to …
Hell of a Day
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d …
Holland Michigan
Traveled over to Holland, Michigan today and took some photos of the windmill and the interesting things there, here are my photos of that experience. Many people may not know it, but one of the working windmills was taken apart from Holland in the Netherlands and shipped to Holland, Michigan in the United States …
Homeland Security: Grocery Store
There was a bit of confusion at the Local Jay C grocery store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.” Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical …
Dear Abby
Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but …
Thai Food – Neung Kapow
My favorite Thai food is a dish called, “Neung Kapow.” This is a very common dish that can be found all throughout Thailand. The dish is made with beef, basil, oyster sauce, fish sauce, chili peppers and it is put on top of rice. The first place I ever had this dish was in Nakhon …
Camp Zama, Japan – Building 101 Ducks
Every year on Camp Zama, Japan in building 101 there is a female duck who temporarily makes a Japanese garden her home while she lays her eggs and raises her babies. It is actually really smart because the Japanese garden is protected on 4 sides, so the only predators that the duck needs to be …
Drunk Canadian
A drunk from Crinkle Cove, Newfoundland walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling Back and forth. A Mountie on the beat sees him and approaches, “Can I help you Sir?” “Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr”, the Newfie replies. The Mountie asks, “Where was your car the last …
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, …
Choosing a Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new …
Smart Ass
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now some old person is going to walk by, …
Hell Explained by a Chemistry Student on an Exam
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is …
A Jumper
On January 9 a group of bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m …
Two Irish Women
Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland .’ The other woman responds proudly, ‘Yes, I sure am!’ The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about in …
Young King Arthur
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer …
Mounted Policeman
This is nothing like the relationship between a man and his horse!
Sharpie Pens
There are few things more dangerous than a perverted electrician with a pen.
The Butler
A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn’t having a good time at the party. So, she came home early, alone. Her …
Rectum Stretcher
While she was ‘flying’ down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’ To …
Sydney Radio Competition
This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you’ll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney . The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes.. The game is …