Author's posts
How to Save the Airlines
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, …
The Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be …
Ideal Man For The Job
This guy would make an ideal politician and probably do a better job than any we have today. At least he has what is needed in Washington…
2011 Football Scouting Report
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6′ 6″, 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most “you knows” during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name. Signed with Tennessee. Quinticious Jenkins: …
Tokyo Disneyland – Halloween 2011
Went to Tokyo Disneyland and had a spectacular time. It was really neat and a lot of fun. Disney sure is top notch. They pay attention to the smallest details. Here are some photos and a video of the experience.
They Sent My Census Form Back
In answer to the question, ‘Do you have any dependents?’, I put … ’12 million illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable bastards, the cast of The Jerry Springer Show, 140,000 people in our 133 penal establishments in California, leftovers from Katrina, half of Mexico, much of the Congress & staff, most of the Senate and a …
Why Did Bernie Madoff Go To Prison?
Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn’t invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money …
Humor – Five Surgeons
Five surgeons having drinks together at a surgical convention exchanged opinions regarding their favorite patient types. The first, a Florida surgeon, said, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second, a Michigan surgeon, responded, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside …
The Things I Owe My Parents
1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 2. My Parents taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” 3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, …
Divorce vs Murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.” The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.” The pharmacist’s eyes got big …
Looking for a Good Book
Confucius say, “If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search, you are obviously in the…..
American History
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: ‘Patrick Henry, 1775’he said. ‘Very good!’ Who said, ‘Government of the People, by …
How a Bacon Cheeseburger is Made
This is how a bacon cheeseburger is made…this pic was sent to me by a high school friend of my wife. He owns a large meat company in Pennsylvania & he said that he heard it from his vet, so I know it’s true. Don’t bother checking Snopes.
Investment 101
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today! If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if …
Californians
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this: You know you’re from California if… 1. Your coworker has 8-body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 a year and still can’t afford to buy a house 3. You take …
Mount Fuji Climb
I went on a Mount Fuji climb today and here are some photos I took of my adventure. As you can see in this photo there is still some snow on the mountain even July.
Penguins
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go? Wonder no more !!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will …
Women
A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She …
Brave Man Jokes
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.. How do you …
Would You Marry Again?
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question…. WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?” HUSBAND: “Definitely not!” WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?” HUSBAND: “Of course I do..” WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you …