Author's posts
Technical Support
This is India. It’s where you call when you have a technical problem with your computer.
How to Get Permission to Play Golf
During the 4th hole the following conversations took place: First Guy : You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend… I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend. Second Guy : That’s nothing; I had to …
Ask Dad
“Mom? I’ve got a questions. The guys at school are using words I don’t understand.” “What words, dear?” “Pussy and Bitch.” Mon inhaled sharply, buth then said: “Oh, that’s easy. A pussy is a cat, like our litle Fluffy. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy.” He then found his Dad out in …
For Those Who Don’t Like Heights
Formerly — the Sears Tower Not content with having the tallest building in America , the owners of Willis Tower in Chicago have installed four glass box viewing platforms which stick out of the building 103 floors up. The balconies are suspended 1,353 feet in the air and jut out four feet from the building’s …
Banana Split
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
An 82 Year-old Man
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’ Morris replied, ‘Just doing …
Three Old Guys
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’
A Senior Citizen
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ ‘Yep!’ ‘Do I know her?’ ‘Nope!’ ‘This woman, is she good looking?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘Is she a good cook?’ ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ ‘Does she have lots of money?’ ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’ ‘Well, then, is …
Couple in Their Nineties
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ …
Hospital Regulations
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly …
Nippon Maru Maritime Training Ship
Took the train over to the Sakura-gicho train station in Yokohama today to wander around and see what sights were to be seen. While there I boarded the Nippon Maru maritime training ship that is permanently docked in Yokohama and now used as a museum.
Two Elderly Gentlemen
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn …
Garage Door
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into …
Fuji Television Building
Passed by the Fuji Television building today in Odaiba, which is a part of, Tokyo, Japan. This is a landmark building because of it’s unique design. You can spot this building from all around Tokyo.
Driving by Tokyo Tower
Drove through Tokyo today and snapped these photos of Tokyo Tower. It’s so weird seeing a big tower that looks like the Eiffel Tower in the middle of one of the most populated cities in the world.
Sakura-gicho, Yokohama, Japan
Visiting Sakura-gicho in Yokohama, Japan, offers a delightful mix of modern attractions and scenic beauty. Located on the shores of Tokyo Bay, this vibrant area is a favorite destination for both locals and tourists. The area is a harmonious blend of contemporary architecture, shopping, entertainment, and historical landmarks, providing a variety of activities for everyone. …
Seniors
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?” “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub”. “Oh, I understand,” …
A Jack Daniels Fishing Story
I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put …
Turtle Burgers
Here’s a new twist on how to serve burgers and if you don’t cook, give this handy little guide to someone that does and request them. Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, wrapped in a bacon weave, then the next step, add hotdogs as the heads, legs with slits for toes and …
Miss Bea & Her Condom
Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her …
Police Quotes
These are actual comments made by 16 police officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country. 1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.” 3. …
Top Four Adult Jokes of 2009
Fourth Place: A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, ‘Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.’ She replies, ‘If your penis is …
Ole’s Logic
Government surveyors came to Ole’s farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time. The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, “Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad …
The Woman Marine Pilot
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But …
Banyan Town Restaurant
Today I went and ate at the Banyan tree restaurant in the city of Naha in Okinawa prefecture of Japan. It was a nice novelty restaurant to eat at because the whole setting is like you up in a big treehouse. It’s pretty neat and it gives you some interesting views of the city. Here …
The Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, …
Passports
Dear Sirs, I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable t.v. from them back in 1987, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on …