Author's posts
Globalization
Question: What is the true definition of Globalisation? Answer: Princess Diana’s death. Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scotch whisky, (produced in Scotland) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, …
Zen Teachings
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any. …
Topsy Turvy
I bought one of those Topsy Turvy’s like what you see on T.V. It looked like an interesting design and I wanted to see how well it worked. I planted some tomatoes in it and kept it watered very nicely. The cool thing about this design is that you are taking the dirt out of …
Web Hosting Provider
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Walking Eagle
President Barack Obama was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York. He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for …
Gary Coleman’s Casket
It even has his name on it!
Ads That Just Don’t Work Anymore
Brace yourself — the copy reads: Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn’t have to fire a shot to floor her. After one look at his Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her. That noble styling sure soothes the savage …
Media at its Best
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his …
New Army “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Uniform
Designed by Hans Wilkie…
Company Names
All of these are legitimate companies, who apparently didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online name might appear. These are not made up. While several have since been changed, incredibly some of the sites are still up and running under these URL’s. Check them out yourself! 1. ‘Who Represents’ is where you can …
Teachers & Cops:
These are actual comments made on students’ report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. …
Things We Should Probably Know, But Don’t
1. Money isn’t made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton. 2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper. 3. The dot over the letter i is called a ‘tittle’. 4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the …
The Are Finally Together
Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer. She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later. Judy again, remarried … and this time, she & John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 …
Perspective
Two women are chatting in office Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you? Woman 2: Yes. Woman 1: Was it good? Woman 2: No, it was a disaster… my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell …
Involuntary Muscular Contractions
A professor at the Mississippi State Univ. was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, ‘Do you know what your asshole …
Tarzan Sex
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.”Tarzan not know sex,” he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, “Oh,…Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.” Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it …
New Truck
I bought a new Chevy Avalanche And returned to the dealer yesterday Because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. ‘Nelson,’ the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, ‘Ricky or Willie?’ ‘Willie!’ he continued and ‘On The Road Again’ Came from the speakers. Then …
The Husband’s T-shirt
My wife was always after me to go shopping with her. Then I began wearing my favorite t-shirt. Now she doesn’t want me to go shopping with her anymore.
Camping Tools
Just when you think that you have everything for camping out and sitting around the fire at the lake someone comes up with something new.
A Cardiologist’s Funeral
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life…. A huge heart… covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was …
Lesbonics
1 . What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? A. licker cabinet. 2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? A. Klondike . 3.. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? A. Militia Etheridge. 4. Why can’t lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? A. Because they can’t eat Jenny …
Enoshima Aquarium
Even though it is March and the weather is still cold I got tired of being stuck in doors from the winter and decided to take the train to the east coast of Japan to visit Enoshima and check out their aquarium. While there I watched the dolphin and sea lion show. The show really …
Married Woman
The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’ I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, …