Author's posts
Cow vs Sheep
A man walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says, “Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache.” The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, “If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, not a cow.” …
Boobs vs Willies
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?’ The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. 1. In her 20s, a woman’s boobs are like melons, round and firm. 2. In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, …
Ear infection
This is so true! They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong–and sometimes it is embarrassing. There’s nothing worse than a doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I …
Tweety Turns 60
Tweety bird turns 60 years old and was quoted saying, “I tawt I taw a pu … a put … oh I don’t know wat da fut I taw!”
Priceless Speeding Ticket
Telling Husband you’re going out for the night with the “Girls”… $0.00. Red Leather Jacket for night out with the “Girls”… $200.00. Getting a Radar photo speeding ticket while out with the “Girls”… $90.00. Having husband open the mailed radar ticket, looking at the “photo proof” and seeing you, his dear wife, with another man’s …
Why Rio got the Olympics
Rio: or Chicago: Rio: or Chicago: Rio: or Chicago: Rio: or Chicago: Rio: or Chicago: Rio: or Chicago: When the question is asked if the Olympics can come to Chicago, the answer is:
Eye Make-up
How important is eye makeup? Ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes. That’s why it’s so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied. Remember, if it weren’t for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young lady probably wouldn’t get a second look from most guys… I could …
Clothes Donation
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to piss off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!
Leather Smell
When a woman wears a leather dress, …A man’s heart beats quicker, And his throat gets dry, He goes weak in the knees, And he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? It’s because she smells like a new truck.
Tokyo Disneyland
Tokyo Disneyland is was quite an experience. This time of year they are ready for Halloween and have all the necessary Disney decorations up. The park is big enough that it will take some time to get through, but overall it is a really fun experience. It truly is a magical place and great way …
Tokyo DisneySea
Today I went to Tokyo DisneySea. It was pretty cool to go there and seeing this ginormous spinning globe when you first get there. Then once you go inside there is what looks like some European street with boat rides in the water in the middle. On the far side of the water is a …
Hot Chili
I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented ‘you’re definitely going to s**t yourself’ road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes …
The College Graduation
Three women go down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation. Apparently someone slipped something into their drinks, and they woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in …
Fuji Safari Park
Went to Fuji Safari Park near the base of Mount Fuji in Japan. The park was rather neat because you could walk around and pet some animals, but there was also a part of the park where you drive your vehicle through these big Jurassic Park gates and then there are animals walking along the …
Old Fart Football
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‚ÄòSeven Points.’ His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’ The old man replied, ‘its fart football.’ A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‚ÄòTouchdown, tie score.’ After about five …
The Best Engine in the World
A notable gynecologist once said, “The best engine in the world is the vagina.” It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.
Example of “Bitter Sweet”
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap; I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.” She said, “You have the biggest penis of …
Belly Button Tattoo
Be glad it’s not your kid.
Pants and Panties
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on..” She did and said, ‘These …
A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder on Michael Jackson’s
This is quite touching. ……. .. ‚ ‚ .. ‚.. .. . . ‚ . . . . . .. . .. ‚. .. .. . ‚ . . … … .. … … … …. …. …… … … … …. ….. .. . .. . . ‚ .. . . . .. … …
International Toy Show – Tokyo, Japan
I went down to the International Toy Show at Tokyo Big Site in Odaiba. Tokyo Big Site is a building located in Odaiba in Tokyo, Japan. It is pretty cool because this was a huge event that had a ton of stuff. This would be like a COMIC-CON, but for toys and held in Tokyo. …
Which Would You Prefer?
All these clothes are currently available at Walmart.
Yokosuka, Japan
Drove over to Yokosuka, Japan today. There is a Naval base over there. It is pretty neat to see. Here are some photos of that experience.