Author's posts
The Flasher
Three older ladies named Rose, Pam and Martha were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.¬¨‚Ć The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.¬¨‚Ć Rose immediately had a stroke.¬¨‚Ć Then Pam also had a stroke.¬¨‚Ć …
Picture Proof of a Bad Day
Even when you are having a really bad day, someone will still screw you.
Man Test
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have ‚spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the ‚Oprah diet…Nancy-pants. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A …
Fireman Sex
A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, ‘You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.’From …
Happy Thanksgiving
Wishing everybody a Happy Thanksgiving. We hope your day is filled with many thanks, spending time with family or friends, and doing something you enjoy. If you would like to take this opportunity to send a text message to say thank you to a soldier, airman, sailor, or marine, you can do so by going …
Howzit Brahdah
Brahdah‚ came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Brahdah.’ Brahdah was stunned. ‘I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’ St. …
Divorce vs. Murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist,¬¨‚Ćlooked straight into his eyes,and said, ‘I would like to buy some cyanide.’ ¬¨‚ĆThe pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’ ¬¨‚ĆThe lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’ ¬¨‚ĆThe pharmacist’s eyes got big and he …
Hi-Tech
Three Women, two younger and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. ¬¨‚ĆSuddenly there was a beeping sound. ¬¨‚ĆThe young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. ¬¨‚Ć The others looked at her questioningly. ¬¨‚Ć”That was my pager, ” she said. ¬¨‚ĆI have a microchip under the skin of my arm. ¬¨‚Ć …
Left Brain vs Right Brain
¬¨‚Ć Most of us would see the dancer turning counter-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it. LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć uses logic¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć detail oriented¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć facts rule¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć words and language¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć present and past¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć math and science¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć can comprehend¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć knowing¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć acknowledges¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć order/pattern perception¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć knows object name¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć reality based¬¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ƭ¨‚Ć …
Married Couple
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor …
How to Make a Cross-over Cable
Here is a diagram which shows the standard color code to make a cross-over CAT-5 cable.
Safe Sex Dress
Dad makes prom dress.
Top Secret
TOP SECRET This was sent to me by an associate in the surveillance field. I am sharing it with friends and family on a need to know basis. I can not vouch for its validity. SECURITY PHOTO: CONFIDENTIAL The photo is a video capture from a security camera located in the North Corridor that leads …
Family Vacation
Family on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a pic of his mum and dad in all their gear so got the underwater …
How Long Do We Have?
About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier: “A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of …
Jeff Foxworthy Picking on Michigan
1. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan. 2. If you’re proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest …
Timotei
Natural style.
Best Shirt Ever
Well, at least it gives us a reason to focus on her.
Blonde Joke in a Bar
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, “Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky …
Bravest Firemen
One dark night outside a small town in Wisconsin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed …
Money
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door. SON : “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?” SON : “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do …
The Late Worker
Tom was in his early 50s, retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was five, 10, 15 minutes late. But, he was a good worker and real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, …