Author's posts
My Private Part Died Today
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing Home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. “Yes, Nurse Tracy,” said Mr. Wallace, “My Private Part died today and I am very sad.” Knowing her patients were forgetful …
First Kiss
It’s your First Kiss and several questions might come to mind: Is it the right time? Is anyone watching? Does your partner even want to? Is your breath fresh? AND,—Should you use some tongue? Then you say…’What the heck!’ and Just Go for it!!!
Three Men
Three men – a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texan are all working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer and …
Great Elephant Story
In 1986, Mike Membre was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Membre approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s …
Bubba
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, “Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer?” “Yes, Bubba, sure is true,” responded the lawyer. “And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that …
Fishing at Pearl Harbor
Today my boy and I went fishing over by Pearl Harbor. We were there for 5 hours and didn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t officially catch anything. My boy had a fish on the line, but it was his 1st time reeling in a fish and he was reeling too slowly, so the fish got off. I had a bite …
College Graduation
I finally graduated college with a Bachelor’s Degree of Science in Software Engineering. It seems as though I was on the 10-year plan to obtain a 4-year degree. I swear the only people who go to school longer than me are doctors. Regardless, I switched between 4 different schools and changed degrees just as many …
Job Question
The boss was looking to hire a new manager, so he interviewed dozens and narrowed their search down to three people. In an attempt to pick one of them, he decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best answer would get the job. The …
Ralph the Chicken
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said,‚Äö√Ñ√¥ you died in your sleep, Ralph. ‚Äö√ѬÆRalph was stunned. I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for send me back! St. …
The Bet…
Two families move from Pakistan to America . When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see — in a year’s time — which family has become more Americanized. A year later they meet again. The first man says, “My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds, and I’m on my …
Pet Fish
A redneck was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove that’s well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man… “Do you have a license to catch those fish?” “No, sir,” replied the redneck. “I ain’t got none of them there licenses, these …
Cure for a Cough
The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I …
2008 Sugar Bowl Results: Georgia 41 – Hawaii 10
Well, well, Hawaii went to the Sugar Bowl and played Georgia. Ummm‚ there isn’t much to be said, Georgia handed Hawaii‘s ass to them on a silver Cajun platter. This game was over at halftime. One of the most comical parts of the whole game was when Hawaii knew they were done for, so they …
2008 Capitol One Bowl: Michigan 41 – Florida 35
The 2007 NCAA football season had many ups and downs for the University of Michigan. Starting out the season being unprepared for Appalachian State and then turning around and getting spanked by Oregon at home definitely was not the way any team would want to start out their year. Following those two games the University …
Happy New Year 2008!
Just wanted to wish everybody a very Happy New Year 2008! Hope the new year brings everybody joy and the very best that life can offer.
So Sick of Hearing About the University of Hawaii
Ever since December 1st, 2007 it seemed that every commercial on local t.v. was that the University of Hawaii warriors went 12-0 on the season. It is now December 31st, 2007 and I am so sick of hearing about how great the University of Hawaii is. This is the 1st year ever that they went …
Jane & Arlene
Jane and Arlene are outside the nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Arlene: Where …
Christmas Trees Around the World
Rockefeller Center, New York The Capitol, Washington DC Trafalgar Square in London The Romer, Frankfurt’s City Hall Red, White and Blue [on display at an unknown location] Puerta del Sol in Madrid St. Peter’s Square in Rome Galeries Lafayette in Paris A chapel in Germany’s Karwendel mountains The largest Christmas tree in Europe [over 230 …
Christmas Cookie Recipe
Ingredients: 1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups of dried fruit 1 bottle Crown Royal Instructions: – Sample the Crown Royal to check quality. – Take a large bowl, check the Crown …
Urine Test
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do …
Stun Gun
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this : Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something …