Author's posts
Fascinate
A grade school teacher at Little Johnny’s school asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use …
George Carlin’s Solution to Save Gasoline
The President of the United States wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq …
Marriage Counseling, Southern Style
Earl and Bubba, two good ole boys from Dixie are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoke to me in over 2 months.” Earl spits, sips his beer and says, “You better think it over – …
Leaving Tokyo
Today I’m leaving Tokyo, Japan. This was a nice trip to take it easy and catch up with friends. I’m sitting at the Narita airport waiting to catch the plane. I just finished eating at McDonalds. The thing that is crazy about McDonalds here in Japan is that I asked for 1 BBQ sauce to …
The Last Word
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible, hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn’t know what to call her so we named her “Pussycat.” …
Welcome to Walmart!
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into WalMart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The WalMart Greeter said pleasantly “Good morning, and welcome to WalMart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?” The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t. …
Letter to Mum and Dad
Dear Mom and Dad, You’ll be happy to hear that I have finally left my black boyfriend. I know you both didn’t approve of him because of his race and the fact that he is ten years older than me. I found, as you suggested, a white boy the same age as me. Attached is …
Sumbitch
A filthy rich Floridian man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters …
How To Get Kicked Out of The Air Force 101
Who says AF people aren’t a little wild… When it gets hot outside on the flight line, people get a little crazy!! A few days ago somebody found a pic of a KC-135 guy marshaling a jet in his underwear. The next day Airman Jerknuts of our grand 34th AMU decided to out do the …
A mystery unfolded……
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, DC has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the …
Roppongi, Tokyo
Today I went to Roppongi Tokyo and took some photos. There was a typhoon here last Wednesday so it was raining for the last couple days. Today it was hot as hell.
Updated Oldy: Democratic Convention
7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning 7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N. 7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton 7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging 7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 8:00 pm ~ How …
Dog Pack Attacks Gator In East Texas
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the “apex predator”, can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and …
Twenty Dollars
On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to …