Due to the small spacing of the Oscars last year, there are going to be a more bigger and a tarp that is going to be implemented in this years’ Oscars Red Carpet.
Category: Humor
2017 Academy Awards Insider Information
If you would like to know some of the results and happenings of the 89th Academy Awards (keep reading) – The Artist won best motion picture – Octavius Spencer won for the movie The Help (Hollywood giving an award to a black woman from their whitest Oscars ever mistake) – Jean Dujardin won best actor …
Confucius Says
Confucius Say: It’s OK to let a fool kiss you; but don’t let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say: A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Confucius Say: Marriage …
Five Undeniable Facts
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it. 2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 3. Having a cold drink on …
Funny Signs
A sign in a shoe repair store in Vancouver that read: “We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.” Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”; In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”; On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels At an …
Bob and the Blonde
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. …
Brief California History Lesson
Do you know what happened 166 years ago this summer…September 9th, 1850? California became a state! The people had no electricity, the state had no money and almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically nothing has changed except back then the women had real tits and the men didn’t hold …
Democrats Recounting Votes
Democrats have been unhappy with the turnout of the Presidential election and have start to recount.
Southern Cops Have a Way With Words
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos: 1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.” 3. “If you take your hands …
Demonstration of Love
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him? “Some women answered …
Donkey
The king wanted to go fishing. He called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met …
How is Your Day Going?
Now that I think about it, my day is going pretty good.
Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. “Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, “Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?” “I …
Buttercups & Golf Balls
Towards the end of the golf course, Doug hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, …
Chemistry Final Exam
There were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an ‘A’ so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t …
Swastika Building in Coronado Island
Did you know that there is a swastika shaped building in Coronado Island? Well, I was looking around Coronado in Google Maps until I came across this building.
Yiddish Humor
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.” ————————————————————————————————————— I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. ————————————————————————————————————— I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll …
Golf Club Locker Room
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and …
Republican Truck
I stopped by the Ford Dealership in Temecula yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 aluminum pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck “feel” before they become old. The salesperson, a very nice looking black lady, wearing a “Hillary for President” lapel …
Kansas Highway Patrol Officer Traffic Stop Story
Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer: I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding On U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS. I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed …
Funny Sign at the Sea Life Aquarium
I was at the Sea Life Aquarium and I saw this sign. The way the sign shows a finger pointing at a fish with a line through it and then the outside fish has a sad face, it looks like the sign is saying, “Don’t point at the fish. It hurts their self esteem.” Maybe …
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to …
Free Sex with Every Fill-Up
A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.” Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed …
