When I bought my Blackberry I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids …
Category: Humor
Flu worries
The Flu’s I’m not really concerned about: 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . . . Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . . Avian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . . . . Swine flu. No problem with those. …
Christmas Cookies
If men start baking Christmas cookies.
Banking on a Bet: The Curious Case of Round Testicles and Square Bets
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an …
Sneezing Disease
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, …
Nancy’s Driver
The limo was speeding down the highway. It was just past dusk. Suddenly, a cow rambled onto the road. The car hit it broadside and came to a stop.‚Ä®‚Ä® Nancy, in her usual charming manner, said to the chauffeur, “You get out and check. You were driving.”‚Ä®‚Ä® So the chauffeur got out, checked, and reported …
Becoming an American
Mohammad, an muslim child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio. “What is your name?” – asked the teacher. “Mohammad” – answered the kid. “You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,” – replied the teacher. In the evening, Mohammad returned home. “How was your day, …
Children Writing About the Ocean
1) – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 2) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) 3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t Have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7) 4) – Sharks …
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES ¬∑ If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. ¬∑ If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Knucklehead and CRAP for Brains. EATING OUT ¬∑ When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will …
Little known Facts about MN
Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin’s winters. The state flag of Minnesota consists of a blue background upon which sits a design best described as “how a 7-year- old city girl would draw a …
Honest Advertising
BMW’s campaign for their factory approved “pre-owned” cars.
Costume Party
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good …
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted …
Will I Live to See 80?
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well for my age. (Now over 65.) A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’ He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink …
An Airline With a Sense of Humor
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard …
Questions to Ponder
Can you cry under water? _____ How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? _____ Why do you have to “put your two cents in”…. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to? _____ Once you’re in heaven, do you …
Best Toast
John Murphy hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the …
Technical Support
This is India. It’s where you call when you have a technical problem with your computer.
How to Get Permission to Play Golf
During the 4th hole the following conversations took place: First Guy : You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend… I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend. Second Guy : That’s nothing; I had to …
Ask Dad
“Mom? I’ve got a questions. The guys at school are using words I don’t understand.” “What words, dear?” “Pussy and Bitch.” Mon inhaled sharply, buth then said: “Oh, that’s easy. A pussy is a cat, like our litle Fluffy. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy.” He then found his Dad out in …
Banana Split
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
An 82 Year-old Man
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’ Morris replied, ‘Just doing …
Three Old Guys
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’
A Senior Citizen
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ ‘Yep!’ ‘Do I know her?’ ‘Nope!’ ‘This woman, is she good looking?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘Is she a good cook?’ ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ ‘Does she have lots of money?’ ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’ ‘Well, then, is …
Couple in Their Nineties
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ …