An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads to the docks once more for old times’ sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, “How am I …
Category: Humor
Penis Research
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, the French …
A Dog’s Intuition
Have you ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ‘sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at …
Victoria Secret
You’ve probably wondered what exactly Victoria’s Secret is…An abusive marriage? A child out of wedlock? Substance abuse? Nope. Much worse…After years of suspense…The Question is finally answered, “What, exactly, is Victoria’s Secret?”
The Box Office
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc. Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan.” An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row …
Lil’ ole lady
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by …
Motivational Posters #2
Here are some more motivational posters. Some may be duplicate images with different messages…entertaining none the less.
Mowing & Beer
On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung.!” I took a drink from my can of Miller Lite, wiped the cold foam …
Rye Bread
Two old guys, one 70 and one 77, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 77 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 70 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The …
Choosing a Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new …
Polar Bear Attack in Canada
These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack of a hiker above Mosinee, Canada, last summer. These pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop the attack. Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim should make a full recovery.
2008 Halloween Costume
Hooters Girl Retired
Getting Older
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple”s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.” The other man said, “What …
Cajun Math
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.” “Without numbers?” The Cajun says, “Dat is easy.” And proceeds to draw three trees. “What’s this?” the boss asks “Ave you …
Morals
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two and gorgeous. One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to …
Bacon Grease Warning, Please Read!
The question is: Do you use bacon grease? We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids and even into adulthood. I will never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore. Cooking With Bacon Grease …
Menopause Jewelry
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead. Maybe next …
He Wore His Collar Backwards
A little boy got on the city bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.” The little boy replied, “My Dad doesn’t wear his collar …
3 Hillbillies
Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin’ the breeze. 1st Hillbilly says: “My wife sure is stupid!…She bought an air conditioner. ” 2nd Hillbilly says: “Why is that stupid?” 1st Hillbilly says: “We ain’t got no ‘lectricity!” 2nd Hillbilly says: “That’s nothin’! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled …
Only a Mom Would Know
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed …
Customs
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course child. What may I do for you?” “Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll …