Jimmy Kimmel is getting ready and practicing for hosting the 90th Academy Awards tonight on ABC at 8 P.M. Easter/5 P.M. Pacific.
Category: Thoughts
Smart-ass Answers of 2017
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she …
Thailand Street Vendors
In Thailand street vendors will sell you anything. Here one has a nice bucket of eels to sell. Yummy!
Meanwhile in Minnesota…
It’s been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this; 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple …
Quantitative Easing Program
Still think Barrack Obama was a decent President?
Washington D.C. Ticket Agent
Please say some stupid things and a Washington D.C. Ticket Agent shares some of the things they have heard. 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from …
California Countryside
Some people say that California is a beautiful state. Apparently they haven’t been anywhere else. Southern California is dry desert that has been sun baked. If you think desert is beautiful, then this is the right place for you. Things don’t really start getting green until you are near San Francisco heading north. If you …
A Date Which Will Live in Infamy…
The last time I was in Washington D.C. I snapped this photo at the World War II Monument looking towards the Washington Monument to recognize the date of the attack on Pearl Harbor.
Why is the Bathroom on a Ship Called The Head?
Have you ever wondered why the bathroom on a ship is called the “head?” Here is the answer.
Going to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some home projects: putting in a new fence, painting the porch, planting some flowers and fixing a broken door lock. You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt, lawn clippings and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with a hole in …
The Future is Here
Hello…is this Gordon’s Pizza? No sir, it’s Google Pizza. I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. OK. I would like to order a pizza. Do you want your usual, sir? My usual? You know me? According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times …
Do Not Block Fire Door
While I was parking at Target I happened to notice this scene and couldn’t help, but laugh because of the stupidity. It is actually kind of scary if you think about people needing to get out of the building in the event of an emergency, but some brilliant person put a big tree in the …
Texas Signs
Only in Texas will you see signs like these . . .
A Short History Lesson
1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6.Great Bear of Wall Street? These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days…Now, …
For Those Born Between 1925-1955
To all the kids who survived the 1930’s, 40’s, and 50’s: First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes. Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our …
Profound Quotes From Famous People Throughout History
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’ – Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: ‘No good in a bed, but …
Things You Might Not Knows About Old Sayings
A SHOT OF WHISKEY In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents, so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a “shot” of whiskey. BUYING THE FARM During …
California is a Sanctuary State
Watched NBC news tonight only to learn that California has become a sanctuary state. This is not a big surprise since California is probably the biggest liberal state in the union, however California is all about the money and I hope that they will lose federal funding because of this. Whenever a state puts criminals …
Message to the National Football League
This is how real men and women behave during the singing of the National Anthem of the United States. Leave politics out of sports. This is during the playing of the National Anthem during Monday night football in Arrowhead Stadium where the Kansas City Chiefs played the Washington Redskins. Please take note of all the …
The Will to Win
Yesterday I was at a sporting event and I saw this on the back of a person’s t-shirt, so I quickly snapped a photo. Some people want the reward without putting in the effort to earn it. Nothing in this world comes easy. There is no shortcut to victory. If you want victory, you need …
In the Hood
Signs you know you are in the hood.
Political Quotes From Famous People
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress. -John Adams 2. If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -Mark Twain 3. Suppose …
Naval Air Station Coronado North Island
While passing by the Naval Air Station on Coronado North Island I was amazed by the helicopters that were sitting on the ground and getting worked on. From my understanding these helicopters are used to assist the Navy Seals in completing their missions. Even if it is from afar it is pretty awesome to think …
Political Dumb and Dumber
Kim Jong Un had no military experience whatsoever before Daddy made him a four-star general. This snot-nosed twerp had never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership. He hadn’t even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team, or commanded a military platoon. So he …
True Food Facts that will make you say “Whaaaaat?”
Did you know? 1. A strawberry isn’t a berry but a banana is. 2. Avocados and watermelon are berries, too. 3. Cashews grow on trees like this: 4. And Brussels sprouts grow in long stalks like this: 5. Chocolate milk was invented in Ireland. 6. Ketchup used to be sold as medicine. 7. Carrots were …
Hollywood Sign Hike
Last weekend I hiked up Mount Lee to the Hollywood sign. Before I left I did my research about where to park and how long of a hike it would be. To my surprise some of the information was incorrect. The hike was supposed to be only a 3 mile round trip hike, it ended …
Pan for Gold
Hollywood should learn how to get real gold. Here is a kit to get them started.
Oscars – Fool’s Gold
Some chase real gold, other’s chase fool’s gold.