Flowers in Japan
This was a real small flower that I was trying to take some photos from different angles to see which point of view would turn out better.
Flowers in Kanagawa, Japan
Here I was playing around with taking some macro photos of cherry blossoms and other flowers with my camera in Kanagawa, Japan. Here are the photos from that experience.
Odawara Castle, Japan
Took the train and went over to Odawara castle today to take some photos of the castle and the cherry blossoms. To my surprise there was a festival and a couple taking some wedding photos in front of the castle. This castle is not as big as some of the other castles I have been to, but it was still a neat experience because this castle is located close to both the mountains and the ocean.
Replacement Windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.
Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year… that these windows would PAY FOR THEMSELVES in a year.
Hellooooo? It’s been a year, so they’re paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.
Purple Flowers in Japan
As I was passing by I noticed these pretty purple flowers on a tree in Kanagawa, Japan, so I decided to stop and practice taking some macro photos of them. I wish I knew what type of tree and flowers these are because it really is pretty.
Odakyu Train Line
Japan is world renowned for public mass transit by moving millions of people every single day. The Japanese train lines are very good with being on schedule and clean. Here are some photos of the Odakyu Train line showing trains coming in both directions near Chuo-rinkan train station.
Darwin Awards
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger… The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride… He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies… The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter… The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly… He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape…
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for… Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
A Loving Grandpa
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.
It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long, easy, boy.”
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William.”
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your
composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”
“Thanks,” said the grandfather, “but I’m William …….the little shit’s name is Kevin.”
Just a Wee Bit….
“An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.
With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.
The Redneck simply replied, “They’re lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Look ’em over and pick the one you want.”
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man’s opinion.
“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice…pigeon-toed.”
The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.
“Well,”the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell…cross-eyed.”
The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,
“She’s perfect, just perfect. She’s the one I want to marry.”
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.
“Well,” explained the Redneck…
“She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell…….pregnant when you met her.”
Disco
Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!
What’s With All The Feathers?
A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.
“Feathers show number of sexual partners,” the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, “Him? One woman, one feather. Him?” pointing to a second, older man, “Three women, three feathers.”
The reporter looked at the Chief’s headdress. “But you have so many feathers!”
The Chief proudly slapped his chest. “Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall.”
Horrified, the female reporter said, “You ought to be hung!”
The Chief said, “Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake.”
The offended reporter said, “You don’t have to be hostile!”
The Chief replied, “Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!”
The reporter cried, “Oh, dear!”
“No deer”, said the Chief. “Ass too high, run too fast!”
Vive la France
This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.
The Englishman answers with humor: No! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver… on the other side???
Walking on the Grass
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.” “Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
“Yes?” said the Instructor.
“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
Snow on the Mountains in Japan
Driving on 246 highway toward Atsugi City in Japan you can see a light dusting of snow on the mountains.
The Man Who Gave up Sex for Golf
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?”
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, “Sure,” and sinks the putt.
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one.”
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?”
Shrugging, the golfer replies, “Okay.” And he makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.
Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?”
“Definitely,” the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.
As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m Satan, and from this day forward you will have no sex life.”
“Nice to meet you, “the golfer replies, “I’m Father O’Malley.”
A Political Paws: Pelosi, Reid, and the Unlikely Texas Tale
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, “Harry, I have a plan to win back the hearts of voters in Middle America in 2014!”
“Great Nancy, but how?” asked Harry.
“We’ll get some cheap, tacky clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the animal shelter and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we’ll go to a nice old roadhouse in Texas and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working middle-class people living there.”
So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Odessa, Texas. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.
The Bartender took a step back and said, “Hey! Aren’t you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?”
“Yes we are!” said Nancy, “And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color.”
They ordered a round of Lone Star beer for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.
For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog’s tail, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, Nancy asked, “Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog’s tail? Is it some sort of custom?”
“Oh, hell no,” said the bartender. “Somebody’s running around town tellin’ folks there’s a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!”
Do Elephants Remember?
In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant… Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe’s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same elephant.
Texas State Police Are Cracking Down on Speeders
The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas. For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Dallas Cowboys
Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.
Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old
Q. What’s the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.
Q. What do the Cowboys and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Male Logic: Critical Thinking At Its Best!
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man:
Yes.
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man:
$5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct.
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No.
Man:
Where’s your Ferrari?
Bar Room Logic
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
Armand’s Pizza, Washington, DC
Fighting for peace is like Screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
Men’ s Room Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC
It’s hard to make a comeback When you haven’t been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ
Make love, not war. Hell, do both GET MARRIED!
Women’s restroom The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. Revolution Books
New York, New York
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men’s restroom House of Representatives, Washington, DC
Express Lane: Five beers or less.
Sign over one of the urinals Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix , AZ
You’re too good for him..
Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA
No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
Women’s restroom Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX
The Amazing WD-40
I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do…probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I was impressed!
WD-40 (Water Displacement #40):
The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953, by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a ‘Water Displacement’ Compound. They were finally successful for a formulation, with their fortieth attempt, thus WD-40. The ‘Convair Company’ bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.
When you read the ‘shower door’ part, try it. It’s the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as on glass. It’s a miracle!
Then try it on your stove-top. It will be shinier than it’s ever been. You’ll be amazed.
WD-40 Uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floor that ‘just-waxed’ sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps the flies off of Cows, Horses, and other Farm Critters, as well.
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic / terracotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots. Works on plastic too.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on both home and vehicles doors.
18. Removes tar and scuff marks from the kitchen flooring. Don’t have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off.
19. Remove those nasty Bug guts that will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly!
20. Gives a children’s playground gym slide a shine for a super-fast slide.
21. Lubricates gearshift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22. Rids kids rocking chair and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes grease splatters from stove-tops.
32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37. Florida’s favorite use is: ‘cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.’
38. The favorite use in the state of New York, it protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time.
40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. It is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray it on the marks and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Washed and dried a tube of lipstick with the laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash.
43. If you spray it inside a wet distributor cap, it will displace the moisture, allowing the engine to start.
…and the main basic ingredient in WD-40? Fish oil.
Christmas Lights
This Is Why I Don’t Put Christmas Lights On A Palm Tree.
Matsumoto Castle, Japan
Went to Matsumoto Castle located in Nagano Prefecture on the Island of Honshu, Japan. This was quite the experience and it was spectacular to be able to see the castle both on the inside and out, but also the panoramic views of the mountains and the city that was built long after the castle. Some of the unique features about this castle is that when you first enter the castle the incline of the steps was at a low angle with many steps, but the higher you go the further apart the steps become and the fewer they are. Another interesting thing is that this castle is one of only two that has a moon room that was use to write poetry in. Also, this castle has a hidden floor that was use to store weapons and ammunition. I hope you enjoy the photos from the experience as much as I enjoyed the experience itself.
Sights Along the Drive From Tokyo to Nagano
Took a drive in Japan from Tokyo to Nagano today and took some photos along the way. Some of the mountains that you can see are the Minami Alps. I got a couple shots of some cars. The views along the drive were very nice and so was the experience.
Fine, I’ll Wait
A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump. A passing hobo stops and says, “since you’re about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?”
The woman said “Hell no … get away from me!”
The bum turned to leave and muttered “Fine, I’ll just go wait at the bottom.”