Summer’s almost here in Michigan…we can now see the deer moving around. Yep, won’t be long.
Michigan: Summer’s Almost Here
The Michigan Wife
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Ohio and had told her that she was going to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Illinois. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a beautiful girl from Michigan. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
Disposition of Sensitive Information
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide a summary of the article entitled “Disposition Of Sensitive Automated Information” as the author understands this article. Also included within this document is an explanation of how disk encryption can help to protect the information on that disk in the event it was lost or stolen.
[Content]
The article entitled “Disposition Of Sensitive Automated Information” identifies methods that should be used by businesses, government, and even the military for ensuring their information is safely removed from different types of media. There are three different techniques that are identified in different publications that the article talked about ensuring there is no information or remnants of information remaining on a disk. The three methods are overwriting, degaussing, destruction. Overwriting would consist of using an NSA approved software application, such as BCWipe (Jetico, 2008), to write 1‚Äôs and 0‚Äôs over a disk seven times to ensure that the information on the disk could not be retrieved. The overwriting method should be used on operations media in an instance where the media may need to be reused again. The degaussing method should be used by an NSA approved degasser and this method will magnetically or electronically destroy a piece of media so that no information can be retrieved. This method should be used on a piece of media that may contain information, but the media itself is non-operational. The final method of destruction provides specifications of how media should be properly disposed of. The article “Disposition Of Sensitive Automated Information” identifies methods that should be used to properly ensure data is unrecoverable from media.
There are instances where data on a form of electronic media needs to be protected in the event that it falls into an unauthorized individuals possession. Disk encryption can help to ensure information is being protected from unauthorized access, however encryption is not the solution, but rather a technique for helping to protect data (TecSec, 2006). By simply encrypting the information on a disk cannot protect that information forever. Time is any type of encryptions’ number one enemy, as it takes time before an encryption algorithm can be cracked. Once the algorithm is cracked then access to the protected information can be gained. One of the best uses of using the disk encryption method for protecting data is when travelling, either domestically or internationally. Another good instance of proper use of this technique is in the event you have to relinquish physical control of a piece of media or when you may not be physically present to ensure that media is secure. The use of encryption to secure physical media will help protect the information on that media in the event the media should fall into the wrong hands.
References
1. Jetico – Products. Retrieved January 25, 2009, from Jetico – Products Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
2. TecSec, (2006, January). Tactical Military Encryption in a Multinational Environment. Retrieved January 25, 2009, from Tactical Military Encryption in a Multinational Environment Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
Saving a Life
There is an ongoing research study showing that the following photos have been taken to identify major causes of traffic accidents.
I’m applying for a government grant to study this problem further. Wish me luck. “If it only saves one life…”
Wine vs. Water
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… and those who don’t:
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) – bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop
Wine = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.
Spanish Words of the Day
1. Cheese
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito Replies: “Maria likes me, but cheese fat.”
2. Mushroom
When all of my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.
3. Shoulder
My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.
4. Texas
My fren always texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!
5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got my piece and she got herpes.
6. July
Ju told me ju were going to that store and july to me! “Julyer!”
7. Rectum
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8. Juarez
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, “Juarez your problem?”
9. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
10. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don’t worry, wheelchair.
11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
12. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her, “Honey, harassment nothing to me.”
13. Bishop
My wife fell down the stairs, so I had to pick the bishop.
14. Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
15. Green Pink Yellow
When the phone green, I pink it up, and say, “Yellow?”
Seattle, Washington
I’m in Seattle, Washington for a few days on a business trip. While here I decided to go take a look at the fish market and the space needle. Here are a couple photos I took of those places.
Oil Change Instructions
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1.) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2.) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
3.) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1.) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
2.) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home..
3.) Open a beer and drink it.
4.) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.) Find jack stands under caravan.
6.) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.) Place drain pan under engine.
8.) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10.) Unscrew drain plug.
11.) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12.) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13.) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14.) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15.) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16.) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheely bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17.) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18.) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19.) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20.) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21.) Drink beer.
22.) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23.) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24.) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25.) Begin swearing fit.
26.) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27.) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28.) Beer.
29.) Cleanup hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30.) Beer.
31.) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32.) Beer.
33.) Lower car from jack stands.
34.) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35.) Beer.
36.) Test drive car.
37.) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38.) Car is impounded.
39.) Call loving wife, make bail.
40.) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2400.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,085.00
But you know the job was done right!
Financial Institutions Handle Privacy
[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to analyze why many financial institutions assess privacy as a compliance issue as opposed to a risk management issue. Included within this document are two different current regulations to help consumers protect their privacy. Also included within this document is an example of the primary causes of network threats to an individual’s privacy. An assessment of organizations or governments should do to prevent these threats is included. Finally, a difficult single privacy threat is identified and a proposal to how organizations can counter it.
[Content]
Many financial institutions view safeguarding personal information as a compliance issue as opposed to a risk management issue. Government regulations, like the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act, dictate how financial institutions safeguard consumer’s private information (Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, 2002). Many federal regulations do not supersede state laws, but rather work in conjunction with them. Financial institutions have strict directives from both state and federal levels of government that they have to adhere to when handing consumer’s nonpublic information. The structured human activities that follow how uncertainty towards a threat is managed are exactly what risk management is. Risk management is a slower process that may require more personnel or resources. In the business world time is money so many companies may take a government compliance approach as opposed to a proactive risk management approach.
Two different active regulations that are currently being used to ensure personal non-public information is being safeguarded are the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act and the Privacy Act of 1974. The Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act is meant to ensure that financial institutions do not release consumer’s personal information without notifying the consumer first. The Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act also governs how financial institutions’ handle consumer’s information and prevents financial institutions from reusing or redisplaying consumer’s information to a 3rd party (Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, 2002). The Privacy Act of 1974 states that no personal information in part or in whole will be released to any persons or organizations without written consent. There is an exception to the Privacy Act that states that the consensus bureau can use personal information for statistical uses, routine government uses within an agency, law enforcement purposes, and other administrative purposes are all allowable uses of personal information without consent (United States Department of Justice, 2003). The Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act and the Privacy Act of 1974 have been put in place to protect people or consumers from having their information disseminated intentionally or unintentionally by unauthorized people or organizations.
The primary cause of network threats, as they pertain to privacy, ironically does not come from the network, but rather is a human error from improper configuration of devices. A major privacy concern for users on any network is ensuring that only authorized personnel have access to private or personal information. Improper configuration of a user account or a group account can unintentionally give unauthorized users access to personal information. Improperly configured file permissions can give unauthorized access to private information. Improper configuration of networking devices, both wired or wireless, can allow unauthorized hosts on a network in which they can gain access to nonpublic information. Firewalls that are not properly configured can allow unauthorized access to network resources and information from threats that reside on different networks. System and network administrators making improper configurations of hosts or devices on a network poses a primary cause of network threats.
Organizations and governments can ensure the primary cause of network threats are minimized by ensuring accountability. In order to ensure accountability organizations or governments need to first put a policy in place to ensure everybody is aware that they are responsible for their actions and misconfigurations are not acceptable. Next organizations and governments should ensure all necessary personnel are properly trained. Organizations or governments can ensure accountability by withholding access to computer system log files and periodically reviewing the files to ensure all policies and procedures are being met. Log files should also be reviewed for any and all networking devices like routers or switches. Finally when an incident is found and traced back to an individual, that individual needs to be held accountable by either being terminated or handed over to the proper authorities based upon the severity of the incident.
One of the most difficult privacy threats that exists, is how others who are not in your control handle your private information, however there are ways to minimize the risk. Working with only trusted people, organizations, or governments ensures that private information is going to be handled in the correct manner. In the event that an e-mail that contains private information is sent to a 3rd party, encrypting or digitally signing the e-mail ensures that only authorized access is granted to that information. Maintaining physical control of any computers or digital media ensures no unauthorized access is allowed. In the event that physical control cannot be maintained, digitally encrypting private information on that computer or digital media can help ensure only authorized access is allowed to that information. Something as simple as securing any documentation, media, or computers can keep private data out of the reach of 3rd party people, like janitors, who may have access to an office, but do not need access to the information. By working with trusted sources, securing any and all private data, and ensuring encryption is being used on physical or electronic media are ways that companies or governments can counter privacy threats.
References
1. (2002, June). Small-Entity Compliance Guide. Regulation P: Privacy of Consumer Financial Information, Retrieved January 7th, 2008, from http://www.federalreserve.gov/regulations/cg/reg_p_cg.pdf
2. (2003, September 26th). THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974, 5 U.S.C. ¬ß 552a — As Amended. Retrieved January 7, 2009, from THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974, 5 U.S.C. ¬ß 552a — As Amended Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]
Top Seven Idiots of 2008
Number One Idiot of 2008
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.
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Number Two Idiot of 2008
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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Number Three Idiot of 2008
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, ‘Put all your muny in this bag.’ While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, ‘OK’ and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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Number Four Idiot of 2008
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, ‘Because I don’t believe you are over 21.’ The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot Number Five of 2008
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Idiot Number Six of 2008
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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Idiot Number Seven of 2008
I live in a semi-rural area ( Weyauwega , Wisconsin ). We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! – I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’
Gotemba Premium Outlets
Today I wanted to drive over toward Mount Fuji to see what it was looking like at this time of year. On the way over there I happened to notice some premium outlet stores at Gotemba and it looked like a good place to stop and look around. The outlet stores must be pretty popular because they were packed and there was busloads of people that kept arriving. I decided to walk around and look at the outlet stores. I went into a G-Shock store, but their selection of G-Shock watches was terrible. I asked them if they had any solar powered G-shock watches and they showed me this selection that looked like some cheap 3 dollar watches that had the name G-Shock stamped onto them. I literally wouldn’t have paid more than $5.00 for one of those watches, but they were charing about $100. I went into the Oakley store to see what they had to offer. They had a bunch of snow boarding clothes, backpacks, and of course sunglasses, but the problem was with the clothes that they were all Japanese sizes. Good luck trying to find any large clothes in Japan. I ended up walking through some other stores, but the one thing I noticed is that they had very limited selection of items on the floor and the prices were crazy. I guess I’m going to be stuck doing my clothes shopping online or wait until I can go somewhere else.
Atlanta Burger King Sign
Proof that the Atlanta city school system works! This is an actual picture of a Burger King in Atlanta.
Letter To Santa
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back: “Send me your mother…”
Christmas lights
After several weeks of nagging from my dear wife I finally put up the Christmas Lights. I mean she would not let up! It’s a good thing I love her!
A Heartwarming Story
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
‘The cop asked, ‘What’s he like?’
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”
When a Deer Comes Knocking
Who is knocking at my back door? I’m not sure who the source is, but interesting nonetheless.
Retired Sailor
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads to the docks once more for old times’ sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, “How am I doing?”
The prostitute replies, “Well old sailor, you’re doing about 3 knots.”
Three knots he asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She says, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.”
Nightmare Renters
What do you mean I can’t get my rental deposit back?
Penis Research
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After$250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Newfoundlanders, unsatisfied with these findings,conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
A Dog’s Intuition
Have you ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ‘sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed? Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire? Somehow they always know when they can ‘go for a ride’ before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I’m a firm believer that animals – and especially dogs – have keen insights into the Truth. And you can’t tell me that dogs can’t sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance. Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn’t right … when impending doom is upon us . . . they’ll always try to warn us…!
Victoria Secret
You’ve probably wondered what exactly Victoria’s Secret is…An abusive marriage? A child out of wedlock? Substance abuse? Nope. Much worse…After years of suspense…The Question is finally answered, “What, exactly, is Victoria’s Secret?”
