Going to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some home projects: putting in a new fence, painting the porch, planting some flowers and fixing a broken door lock. You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt, lawn clippings and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with a hole in the crotch, an old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of these tasks you realize that you need to run to Home Depot for supplies. Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20s: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because, you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout line. And yes, you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30s: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change your shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it! Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.

In your 40s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut is almost empty, so don’t waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird about thinking she’s spicy.

In your 50s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog crap in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember — the hat you have on is from Bubba’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms.’

In your 60s: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat any more. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don’t have your glasses on, so you’re not sure.

In your 70s: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until you call the drug store to have your prescriptions ready for pick too and check your grocery list for a quick stop there. Got to save trips! Don’t even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch… who cares.

In your 80s: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. You go to Wal-Mart instead. You went to school with the old lady greeter. You wander around trying to remember what you are looking for. Then you fart out loud and turn around thinking someone called your name.

In your 90s & beyond: What’s a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

The Future is Here


Hello…is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

Do you want your usual, sir?

My usual? You know me?

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.

OK! That’s what I want …

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?

What? I detest vegetables.

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

How the hell do you know?

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Okay, but I don’t want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug sale Network, 4 months ago.

I bought more from another drugstore.

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

I paid in cash.

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

I have other sources of cash.

That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

WHAT THE HELL?

I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, What’s App and all the others. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch or spy on me.

I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.

Do Not Block Fire Door


While I was parking at Target I happened to notice this scene and couldn’t help, but laugh because of the stupidity. It is actually kind of scary if you think about people needing to get out of the building in the event of an emergency, but some brilliant person put a big tree in the way where customers put shopping carts to block the door. What could possibly ever go wrong?

Wine Signs

It’s Been a While…Smile

GoPro Panoramic View Behind Hollywood Sign


Here is a panoramic view taking behind the Hollywood sign with a GoPro camera.

Texas Signs


Only in Texas will you see signs like these . . .

San Diego Maritime Museum


At the San Diego Maritime Museum you will find a small collection of ten different ships such as the Star of India, the 1898 ferryboat the Berkeley, and the B-39 Soviet Foxtrot class submarine. You can even find the San Salvador, which is a replica of Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo’s galleon which discovered San Diego in 1542. These and the rest of the ships have quite a colorful history and worth checking out if you are ever in the area.

A Short History Lesson

1923, Who Was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6.Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days…Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide


However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.

The Moral:
Screw work. Play golf.

Broken Belt on Vehicle


I’ve had some real winners for vehicles throughout my lifetime, but I can’t say I ever had a belt break on a vehicle quite like this. After I heard a noise I looked under the hook just to find the source of the noise. Since I didn’t have the tools to fix the issue on hand I drove a couple of miles down the road with the belt like this. That definitely made me a bit nervous. I ended up making it there and getting the belt replaced, but it made for an exciting experience.

For Those Born Between 1925-1955

To all the kids who survived the 1930’s, 40’s, and 50’s:

      • First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.
      • Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
      • We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.
      • As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.
      • Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
      • We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
      • We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
      • We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren’t overweight. Why? Because we were always outside playing…that’s why!
      • We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day…and, we were okay.
      • We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
      • We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
      • We had friends and we went outside and found them!
      • We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.
      • We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.
      • We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
      • We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, 22 rifles for our 12th, rode horses, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
      • We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just Walked in and talked to them.
      • Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.
      • The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of…they actually sided with the law!
      • These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.
      • The past 60 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
      • We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

    If you are one of those born between 1925-1955, congratulations!

Sea World Cards


When you go to Sea World in San Diego, California you may receive an entry card like one of these.

Streaming Television Device


I have heard about a lot of people who are tired of paying high prices for cable t.v. or satellite t.v. have been making the switch to these streamsmart.tv devices which allow people to watch live t.v. that is being streamed. I asked how these devices aren’t illegal and they said it’s not illegal for several reasons.
1. You are the source of the stream.
2. You aren’t illegally downloading the content.

To me it still seems like something isn’t right because you’re getting copyrighted content for free. Technically you’re getting free content after you pay for the device. I looked around and found that Walmart is selling the devices and so is Target so it must not be breaking any laws. If you think about it, this is the way television is going anyway. It is going to Internet Protocol based and these content providers can reach a much larger market by catering to Internet television.

Profound Quotes From Famous People Throughout History

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’
– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
– Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
– George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney Dangerfield

Money can’t buy you happiness…But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
– Joe Namath

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
– Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
– W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
– Will Rogers

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
– Winston Churchill

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty…But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
– Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
– Billy Crystal

Things You Might Not Knows About Old Sayings


A SHOT OF WHISKEY
In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents, so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a “shot” of whiskey.

BUYING THE FARM
During WW 1 soldiers were given life insurance policies worth $5,000. This was about the price of an average farm so if You died you “bought the farm” for your survivors.

IRON CLAD CONTRACT
This came about from the ironclad ships of the Civil War. It meant something so strong it could not be broken.

PASSING THE BUCK – THE BUCK STOPS HERE
Most men in the early west carried a jack knife made by the Buck knife company. When playing poker it was common to place one of these Buck knives in front of the dealer so that everyone knew who he was. When it was time for a new dealer the deck of cards and the Knife were given to the new dealer. If this person didn’t want to deal he would “pass the buck” to the next player. If that player accepted then “the buck stopped there”.

RIFF RAFF
The Mississippi River was the main way of traveling from north to south. Riverboats carried passengers and freight but they were expensive so most people used rafts. Everything had the right of way over rafts which were considered cheap. The steering oar on the rafts was called a “riff” and this transposed into riff-raff, meaning low class.

COBWEB
The Old English word for “spider” was “cob.”

SHIP STATE ROOMS
Traveling by steamboat was considered the height of comfort. Passenger cabins on the boats were not numbered. Instead they were named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called staterooms.

SLEEP TIGHT
Early beds were made with a wooden frame. Ropes were tied across the frame in a criss-cross pattern. A Straw mattress was then put on top of the ropes. Over time the ropes stretched, causing the bed to sag. The owner would then tighten the ropes to get a better night’s sleep.

SHOWBOAT
These were floating theaters built on a barge that was pushed by a steamboat. These played small towns along the Mississippi River. Unlike the boat shown in the movie “Showboat” These did not have an engine. They were gaudy and attention grabbing which is why we say someone who is being the life of the party is showboating”.

OVER A BARREL
In the days before CPR a drowning victim would be placed face down over a barrel and the barrel would be rolled back and forth in a effort to empty the lungs of water. It was rarely effective. If you are over a barrel you are in deep trouble.

BARGE IN
Heavy freight was moved along the Mississippi in large barges pushed by steamboats. These were hard to control and would sometimes swing into piers or other boats. People would say they “barged in”.

HOGWASH
Steamboats carried both people and animals. Since pigs smelled so bad they would be washed before being put on board. The mud and other filth that was washed off was considered useless “hog wash”.

CURFEW
The word “curfew” comes from the French phrase “couvre-feu”, which means “cover the fire”. It was used to describe the time of blowing out all lamps and candles. It was later adopted into Middle English as “curfeu”, which later became the modern “curfew”. In the early American colonies homes had no real fireplaces so a fire was built in the center of the room. In order to make sure a fire did not get out of control during the night it was required that, by an agreed upon time, all fires would be covered with a clay pot called a “curfew”.

BARRELS OF OIL
When the first oil wells were drilled they had made no Provision for storing the liquid so they used water barrels. That is why, to this day, we speak of barrels of oil rather than gallons.

HOT OFF THE PRESS
As the paper goes through the rotary printing press friction causes it to heat up. Therefore, if you grab the paper right off the press It is hot. The expression means to get immediate Information.

Stickers Around Griffith Park


While hiking up Mount Lee in Griffith Park I noticed some stickers stuck to street signs and guardrails and other things. I took the opportunity to post a few stickers myself. Maybe this will drive more traffic to the website. If not, it was still a fun hike.

Palomar Observatory


Saturday I went for a drive to the Palomar Observatory. Prior to going I checked online to see what their hours of operation are and it showed from 9:00 AM-4:00 PM. After driving over there I got all the way to the gate just to find out the observatory was closed for a special event. I was able to take a couple of photos of the observatory from a distance, but I will need to try again in order to go inside and see what it is like.

Jewish Cab Driver


A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.​ ​The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said,
“What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; dat vould not be proper.”

The woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He paused a moment, then told her, “Vell…… M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in DA hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?”

Wine For Dinner

Behind the Hollywood Sign


Went hiking up Mount Lee to get some photos from behind the Hollywood sign. Last time I did this I parked near the Griffith Observatory and ended up hiking 12 miles round trip and I didn’t have water so I was dehydrated and tired as all can be. I knew I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. This time I research a closer place to park and hike up behind the Hollywood sign and this time it was only a 4.4 mile round trip and I brought lots of water. That was much more pleasant. I parked by the Lake Hollywood park and from the park you get some nice views of the sign. Then I hiked up a nice paved road all the way to the sign. When you hike up behind the Hollywood sign you get spectacular panoramic views of the entire area. It’s a very nice experience and it makes you feel like you are on top of the world.

Catholic Morning Coffee

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence”

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, I have a daughter,

Slim & Tall
40D Bust
24″ Waist and
34″ Hips

When she walks into a room, people say, ‘OH MY GOD!’

A Bit of Lost History

A bit of lost history captured by Kodak…

Cowboys around the Hoodlum Wagon, Spur Ranch, Texas, 1910. Hoodlum Wagon was usually driven by the “Hood” — the wrangler who watched over the horse herd at night.


Judging by the saddle style, this unidentified cowboy was working in the late 1870s or 1880s. In his holster, he carries a Colt model 1873 single action revolver with hard rubber grips, and he has looped his left arm around a Winchester model 1873 carbine in a saddle scabbard. On the back of the photo is the light pencil inscription “Indian fighter.”


Snow Tunnel ~ On the Ouray and Silverton Toll Rd ~ Colorado ~ 1888


1899 Concord, Michigan “Buggy & Wagon Shop”


Thankful someone took the time to photograph this type of beauty – April 1937. Buttermilk Junction, Martin County, IN.


1887 – West Center Street, Anaheim, California. Disneyland is standing here!


Moser’s Guns, Banjos, and Mules at the Livery stable in East Tennessee around 1890.


In 1906, a massive magnitude 7.9 earthquake ruptured the entire San Andreas Fault in Northern California. That is a huge running crack in the ground. Now they are building houses right on the line as fast as the boards can be delivered.


This is what real cowboys looked like in 1887.


Some of the toughest, bravest people we know of. They gave it their all to go west and start a new life. This wagon train is in eastern Colorado in 1880.


This moose team belonged to W.R. (Billy/Buffalo Bill) Day. They were found by a Metis near Baptiste Lake, Alberta, in 1910 and were reared by bottle and broken to drive by Mr. Day at Athabasca Landing during the winter of 1910. Mr. Day and the moose team hauled mail and supplies.


In the American Civil War, soldiers were required to have at least four opposing front teeth, so that they could open a gunpowder pouch. Some draftees had their front teeth removed to avoid service. In our day they just jumped the border into Canada.


Here we have a tired old prospector during the Klondike Gold Rush.


Lulu Parr – Her skill with the gun caught the attention of Pawnee Bill, who signed her to his show in 1903. She left that show but came back in 1911. By that time, Pawnee Bill had joined Buffalo Bill’s show. Buffalo Bill was so in awe of Lulu’s willingness to ride unbroken ponies that he presented her with an ivory-handled Colt single-action revolver, engraved with “Buffalo Bill Cody to Lulu Parr—1911.”


View from the driver’s seat of a 40 mule team. These rigs were used to haul Borax out of Boron, CA and then loaded onto railroads for manufacturing.


Hoops had to be removed before taking your seat in a carriage and then they were hooked onto the back of the carriage.


Omaha Board of Trade in Mountains near Deadwood, SD April 26, 1889. It was created in 1889 by Grabill, John C H., photographer. The picture presents procession of stagecoaches loaded with passengers coming down a mountain road.


This is a stunning photograph from 1862. The image shows a horse-drawn Civil War ambulance crew removing the wounded from a battlefield.

California is a Sanctuary State


Watched NBC news tonight only to learn that California has become a sanctuary state. This is not a big surprise since California is probably the biggest liberal state in the union, however California is all about the money and I hope that they will lose federal funding because of this. Whenever a state puts criminals over citizens of the United States this poses a huge problem for the people of that state, but also for the people of the country. Choosing to accept illegal immigrants and protect them over the citizens puts the safety and security of those citizens at risk.

Message to the National Football League


This is how real men and women behave during the singing of the National Anthem of the United States. Leave politics out of sports. This is during the playing of the National Anthem during Monday night football in Arrowhead Stadium where the Kansas City Chiefs played the Washington Redskins. Please take note of all the people standing, even in the nosebleed seats, of the stadium.

The Next Generation

Jury Duty


I received a summons in the mail to go to jury duty. On the day of jury duty I had to go to the Hall of Justice, which sounded really cool. Who knows what superhero you might get to meet?

As I walked in and passed the elevators it was engraved into the wall, “WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.” That was pretty cool as everyone has the right to due process.

While waiting to find out which courtroom I was to report to I notice an ABC news vehicle pulling up in front of the building. There must be some kind of big case going on.

Here is a picture I took of the California seal and the San Diego Superior Court.

Also while I was waiting I saw this reminder on the wall of the rules for jurors to remember. After having the juror experience it was pretty neat to see the choreography of how the events took place throughout the day and how the juror selection took place. As it is a civic duty I am glad I was able to do my part.

The Will to Win


Yesterday I was at a sporting event and I saw this on the back of a person’s t-shirt, so I quickly snapped a photo. Some people want the reward without putting in the effort to earn it. Nothing in this world comes easy. There is no shortcut to victory. If you want victory, you need to put in the effort to train and prepare for it and even then it still does not come easy.

Tacos El Gordo


Ever since I arrived here in San Diego, California people have told me that San Diego has great Mexican food and tacos. So I decided to give it a try. A couple people recommended that I go to Tacos El Gordo because they are the closest you can get to tacos in Tijuana, Mexico. Upon entering Tacos El Gordo I noticed there were about 3 or 4 different lines and I wasn’t sure which one to get in, so I asked. The cashier explained to me that there is different types of meat and to get into the line of the taco you would like to eat. After getting your food, then come and pay for it. After paying $2.50 per carne asada taco, I found a seat to see what they tasted like. The taco had spicy meat and it was pretty good and tasty, but they were a little small. I didn’t think they were quite worth the $2.50 per taco, but it was good to have a new experience and give them a try.

In the Hood


Signs you know you are in the hood.

Bird Photos at Lindo Lakes


Went to Lindo Lakes near Santee, California and while there wasn’t much to look at around there, but I was able to get some nice photos of some birds and waterfowl.

Tale of Two Alligators


Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”

“Well,” said the big gator, “what have you been eating?” “Politicians, same as you,” replied the small gator.

“Hmm…..Well, where do you catch them?” “Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.”

“Same here. Hmm…. How do you catch them?”

“Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!”

“Same here.” says the big gator. “Do you eat Democrats or Republicans?”

“I eat the Democrats” says the little guy.

“Ah!” says the big gator. “I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. You see, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Democrat, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.”