Train Driver

A young couple were going at it on a Railway track. The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it. He applies brakes so hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple. Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants.

The driver shouts out to the boy “Do you realize that if I had not seen you, this would have been your last time you ever had sex?!!!”

Boy – “Listen dude, you were coming… She was coming…. and I was coming…. then I realized ….only you had brakes.”

Wild Willies Beard Butter

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I decided to buy sometime to take care of a beard and when I was looking around on Amazon I found a product called, “Wild Willies Beard Butter.” I thought it looked interesting enough to give it a try. It cost $10.77. The package arrived after a couple of days and when I opened it up I was surprised by the size of it. This container is so small it is about the size of a 50 cent piece and not even a 1/2 inch tall. It has a twist off cap and comes with a handy bag. That’s probably so you won’t lose it.

The directions say to scrape a small amount, as if you could get a large amount out of this small container, of balm into your hands and rub between fingers. Work into wet or damp beard from root to tip. Repeat as needed.

I’ve been using this for a couple of days and so far I can’t tell what it does other than makes my beard smell the scent of the balm. It hasn’t really softened it up or done anything special for it. I would say that was not a well spent $10.77. If you are thinking about doing the same thing, keep looking for a better product.

Earth is a Beautiful Place

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Dollar Shave Club

I’ve been hearing about the “Dollar Shave Club” for a while now as a radio advertisement. After thinking about it and trying to figure out how it works, I decided to break down and give it a try. I see there are 3 different types of razors offered. There is a 9 dollar 6 blade razor, a 6 dollar 4 blade razor, and a 4 dollar 2 blade razor. I decided to go with the 6 dollar 4 blade razor. So far from what I can tell how this works is that you sign up on the website and put in your shipping and billing information and then every month they automatically charge you the amount of money and ship you a new razor. Quite honestly I don’t have loyalty to a razor company and as long as it shaves what I want it to shave without hurting me, I’m o.k. with it.

After I signed up they gave me this referral link: Dollar Shave Club Referral Link

If anybody signs up by using this link it will allow us to save money. One thing I do like about this is that I have razors delivered right to my door without having to do anything, but to sign up on their website. After thinking about a little bit, if I had to sign up on a different website for each product I wanted delivered straight to my doorstep, that is a pretty inefficient way of doing things. I’m fine with this for now because I’m just testing it out, but I hope this isn’t a sign of the way of the future. That’s about all I know for now and I’ll make an update post after I receive my 1st razor.

The Morning After the Zoo’s Christmas Party

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What Love Looks Like

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Redneck Ingenuity

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Daily Factoids

Dose of daily factoids.
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Imperial Beach, California

Went over to Imperial Beach, California today to check out the pier, the ocean, and the scenery. Here are some photos that I took while I was there. It gives a different point of view of San Diego and the surrounding area. In the photos you can see the Imperial Beach pier, San Diego, Coronado island, and Point Loma. It is a pretty nice and relaxing place to enjoy the beach.
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Poker

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les’ wife, Sue wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les’s wife followed and asked, “Did you see anything that you like under there?” Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, “Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.”

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn’t, Jim should be at her house around 2 P.M. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les’s house at 2 P.M. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 – they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Les came home from golf at 6 P.M. And upon arriving, asked his wife: “Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?”

With a lump in her throat Sue answered, “Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.” Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, “And did he give you $500?”

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, “Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.”

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, “He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.”

Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older

#9. Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8. Life is sexually transmitted.
#7. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6. Men have 2 motivations: hunger and sex, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5. Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, or maybe years.
#4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2. In the ’60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

2016 United States Presidential Race Views

I’m an American trying to do my due diligence by paying attention to the political race that has been going on and when I look at the candidates this is what I see. Please be mindful that it is early and I haven’t had all the time in the world to research every candidate out there. I will let them filter each other out a bit, but so far these are the things I have seen.

Democrats:
Hilary Clinton – She was the secretary of state during the Benghazi attacks and did not support her ambassador in Libya at the time by providing more security when requested. She has never been held accountable for this and I personally think there is more to that story where they were running guns to the rebels through Benghazi, but I haven’t seen any real proof of that yet. She is under criminal investigation by the judicial branch, as she should be, and she is tight with Barrack Obama and wants to continue many of his terrible ideas. She had her own e-mail server and was conducting official government business on it and then she withheld e-mails an information. She obviously has something to hide and should not be trusted. She should not be allowed to possess a security clearance and this should prevent her from being a real candidate. She is out of touch with reality and quite frankly she belongs in jail. For some reason she is very slippery and seems to keep getting out of everything and from what I’ve seen it looks like this race is hers to lose. According to the polls does she have any real competition, other than herself, yet?
Bernie Sanders – Self-proclaimed socialist. He supports taking 90% of all of our income. I’ll just stop right there. The only question I have for him is what the heck are you doing in our country and working for our government?

Republicans:
Donald Trump – Successful businessman. Certainly possesses leadership qualities. Running by using his own money and therefore his vote should not be swayed by lobbyists. He’s arrogant and not very refined when he speaks, but he is a man of action and knows how to get things accomplished. He knows how to negotiate and he knows what it would take to support businesses and turn the economy around. His build a wall on the southern boarder idea is stupid. This is not Germany! I am very concerned that if he was president how many times would he open his mouth and offend or anger the allies of the United States or worse? I haven’t seen any real detailed ideas of how Trump intends to accomplish things, but I do feel he is the type of person who will select good people to surround himself with by selecting good cabinet members to get things accomplished.

Ben Carson – Successful brain surgeon. He seems to have a solid methodical way of looking at things and addressing things. He is refined and well thought out. He certainly has a good head on his shoulders. He might have some really good ideas of how to fix healthcare in the United States and propose something better than Obamacare. I don’t know how being a brain surgeon translates into a candidate for good foreign policy. I don’t know how brain surgery provides the experience for economic success.

Mike Huckabee – I’ve watched Mr. Huckabee on his Fox show for quite some time now and I like that he seems to have some common sense about him. He’s got experience as he was the governor of Arkansas. He wants to give the government a reality check and force it to start acting on behalf of the American people again. Honestly I don’t think he is going to go much further after the next debate, but I do like many of the things he says and some of the things he stands for.

Jeb Bush – Oh no! I think we need another Bush in office like we need a hole in our head. I haven’t seen any real substance from him other than he is bickering with Trump. He has stood behind and supported and defended his brother, as any good brother should. He was the governor of Florida, but spending doubled while he was governor. Recently he cut back his campaign staff which might show a sign that he doesn’t have money and needs more fundraising. If that is the case, his vote could be swayed by outside sources.

Now these are just a few candidates and things I have observed. When looking at these candidates I’m not seeing anybody with a military background or experience. Obama was a candidate with no experience and in my opinion he is the worst thing that has ever happened the United States. There is a long way to go and there are many other areas that I will be looking at when I observe the candidates, but for now have you seen something different from what I am seeing? Is my perception off or have I been seeing many of the same things that you have? Comments, feedback, and suggestions are very welcome. I look forward to any responses.

The Blonde Golfer

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, “Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, and so don’t try to coach me on how to play my shots.”

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.

All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father’s mouth was agape. “That was beautiful,” he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, “I really didn’t get into it, and I faded it a little.”

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, “Damn, lady, you played that perfectly.”

The blonde frowned and said, “It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I’ve left a tricky little putt.” She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, “I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I’d really like to break 70 on this course.

If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I’ll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night.”

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, “Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup.”

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. “Don’t listen to the kid, darling’, you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.”

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde’s ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, “That’s a gimme, sweetheart.”

The blonde smiled and said, “Your car or mine?”

Birds of Paradise Flower Photos

Right now I’ve got some Birds of Paradise flowers that are in bloom. I really like these flowers. They are pretty and have a distinct appearance about them. Here are a few photos I took.
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L&L Hawaiian Barbecue

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L&L Hawaiian Barbecue is so delicious. The biggest problem is that the portions are huge and it just tastes so good.

40 Years of Marriage

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment:

‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish!

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female…

Crenshaw Boulevard

As I drove by and saw this sign I was having “Boyz in the Hood” flashbacks.

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Halloween Jack-o-lantern by Shock Top Beer

I went to the supermarket today and there was this cool display by Shock Top beer. Personally, I’ve never heard of Shock Top before, but I think their jack-o-lantern is pretty cool. Here are a couple of photos so you can see for yourself.
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Photos at La Jolla in San Diego, California

Took a drive over La Jolla in San Diego today to check out the surf and snap a few photos. The beach wasn’t very busy. Here are some photos I took while there.

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Best Insurance Story of the Year

This actually took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and won!
(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.

Now for the best part…

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

Only in America…no wonder the rest of the world thinks we’re nuts.

Point Loma Nazarene University

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Drove over to Point Loma Nazarene University today in San Diego, California. Here are some of the photos that were taken around there. The thing that is so spectacular is the location. The university is overlooking the Pacific Ocean near the sunset cliffs. The views are just stunning and some of the architecture is neat too.

Ocean Beach, California

Drove over to Ocean Beach in San Diego, California today. Snapped a few photos. One is of the Ocean Beach sign as you’re driving into OB. The second one is of a painting on a wall. The 3rd is a banner of an Octoberfest celebration in Ocean Beach.

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Do Not Smack a Cop’s Horse

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Be advised that it may be in your best interest to not smack a cop’s horse.

Blood Moon

Tonight is a blood moon night, so I went outside and snapped some photos of what the blood moon looks like from where I am at. Here are a few photos I snapped of it.

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Wrong Lion

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Success

Growing up is a weird notion to wrap your mind around. As you go through life, your perspectives on almost everything will change. How you define success will change as well. Things that you thought were important at the age of 35 will be useless when you’re 65. You may not realize it now, but everything will shift.

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
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At age 12 success is having friends.
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At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
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At age 20 success is having sex.
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At age 35 success is having money.
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At age 50 success is having money.
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At age 60 success is having sex.
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At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
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At age 75 success is having friends.
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At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
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It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.

A Retired Person’s Perspective

1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably very cross.
4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you’ve just met? That’s common sense leaving your body.
6. I don’t like making plans for the day….because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
7. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 1,508 days in a row.
8. I decided to change calling the bathroom “the John” and renamed it “the Jim”. I feel so much better saying “I went to the Jim this morning“.
9. Dear paranoid people, who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what’s your plan?
10. Politicians should have two terms – one in office and the other in prison.

Just remember Einstein’s comment: “There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity; intelligence has its limits.”

Aphorisms for the Year

– It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
– We have enough “youth.” How about a fountain of “smart”?
– A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
– When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
– Learn from your parent’s mistakes — Use birth control.
– Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
– If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
– We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things just get worse. Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
– Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
– Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
– Alabama state motto: At least we’re not Mississippi.
– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
– The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population and the majority of them don’t know that.
– “I think politicians should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate and union sponsors.”

Sunburst Yellow Squash

I just got back from the supermarket where I came across a funny thing I’ve never seen before. A sunburst yellow squash. Never knew it existed on this planet. Needless to say, I was the only person in the store taking photos of the produce. Here is what they look like.
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Man Down

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A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

”Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife, they carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.” That’s him in Aisle 5.

McDonald’s Burger of the Month

So I was going through a box I have of old stuff from high school and I found these McDonald’s signs for burgers of the month. I can’t believe I still have these things. Before I throw them away I decided to scan them into my computer and share them because the date on these signs says 1992. If you were curious as to different McDonald’s burgers of the month from Lowell, Michigan McDonald’s, here they are. There is the Bacon Double Cheeseburger Meal, The Quarter Pounder Club Meal, and also the Mushroom Swiss Quarter Pounder Meal. To be quite honest they look pretty delicious, but the thing that made my jaw drop is look at the price of these things. $3.29? Oh how nice it would be to go back to those prices. I wonder if instead of throwing these away, I should take them to the closest McDonald’s and stick them to McDonald’s windows. Then when people start ordering these burgers the McDonald’s staff will freak out. Now that would be funny.

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