Drove over to Point Loma Nazarene University today in San Diego, California. Here are some of the photos that were taken around there. The thing that is so spectacular is the location. The university is overlooking the Pacific Ocean near the sunset cliffs. The views are just stunning and some of the architecture is neat too.
Point Loma Nazarene University
Do Not Smack a Cop’s Horse
Be advised that it may be in your best interest to not smack a cop’s horse.
Success
Growing up is a weird notion to wrap your mind around. As you go through life, your perspectives on almost everything will change. How you define success will change as well. Things that you thought were important at the age of 35 will be useless when you’re 65. You may not realize it now, but everything will shift.
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.
A Retired Person’s Perspective
1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably very cross.
4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you’ve just met? That’s common sense leaving your body.
6. I don’t like making plans for the day….because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
7. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 1,508 days in a row.
8. I decided to change calling the bathroom “the John” and renamed it “the Jim”. I feel so much better saying “I went to the Jim this morning“.
9. Dear paranoid people, who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what’s your plan?
10. Politicians should have two terms – one in office and the other in prison.
Just remember Einstein’s comment: “There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity; intelligence has its limits.”
Aphorisms for the Year
– It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
– We have enough “youth.” How about a fountain of “smart”?
– A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
– When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
– Learn from your parent’s mistakes — Use birth control.
– Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
– If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
– We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things just get worse. Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
– Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
– Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
– Alabama state motto: At least we’re not Mississippi.
– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
– The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population and the majority of them don’t know that.
– “I think politicians should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate and union sponsors.”
Man Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.
”Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife, they carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.” That’s him in Aisle 5.
McDonald’s Burger of the Month
So I was going through a box I have of old stuff from high school and I found these McDonald’s signs for burgers of the month. I can’t believe I still have these things. Before I throw them away I decided to scan them into my computer and share them because the date on these signs says 1992. If you were curious as to different McDonald’s burgers of the month from Lowell, Michigan McDonald’s, here they are. There is the Bacon Double Cheeseburger Meal, The Quarter Pounder Club Meal, and also the Mushroom Swiss Quarter Pounder Meal. To be quite honest they look pretty delicious, but the thing that made my jaw drop is look at the price of these things. $3.29? Oh how nice it would be to go back to those prices. I wonder if instead of throwing these away, I should take them to the closest McDonald’s and stick them to McDonald’s windows. Then when people start ordering these burgers the McDonald’s staff will freak out. Now that would be funny.
The Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he’s doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blond women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general…pathetically all in the name of humor!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells: “You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little shit on your lap.”
Ring Ring Ring …
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, ‘Hello?’ ‘Hi Honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the Phone? ‘.
‘No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.’
After a brief pause, Daddy says, ‘but Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Gabe.’
‘Oh Yes I do, and He’s upstairs with Mommy in the room, right now.’
Brief Pause.
‘Uh, okay then, this is what I Want You to do. Put the phone down on the Table, Run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that. Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway. ‘.
‘Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’
A few minutes later the Little Girl comes back to the Phone…’I did it, Daddy.’
‘And what happened, honey?’
‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit on her head the dresser and now she is not at all Moving!’
‘Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Gabe? ‘.
‘He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and jumped out of the back window he and into the swimming pool. But I guess he did not know that you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’
Long Pause.
Longer Pause.
Even Longer Pause.
Then Daddy says, ‘Swimming pool? (Confused) Is this 486-5731?
What Starts With “F”
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what exactly is your problem?’
Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’
Ms. Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’
Harry: ‘9.’
Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’
Harry: ’36.’
And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘Y’know I reckon Harry can go to the 3rd grade’ But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little bugger and says to the principal, ‘Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions…’ The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?’
Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!
Harry replied: ‘Pockets.’ to the Principal’s great relief…..
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps into?’
Harry: ‘Pants.’
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open… Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?’ Now the principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could intervene, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?’
Harry: ‘Shake hands.’
The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question… Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?’
Harry: ‘Firetruck.’
The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher, ”Put the little bastard in 5th-Grade, I got the last seven questions wrong myself…”
Political Correctness
For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by that modern term referred to as ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS’.. Although I consider myself reasonably fluent in English, that term was not in my vocabulary. Curiosity got the better of me so I decided to do a little research, and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I’d been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri. An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams between then-President Harry Truman and Gen Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the WW2 Surrender Agreement in September 1945.. The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received at the end of the war – not a word has been added or deleted!
(1) Tokyo, Japan
0800-September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow-bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions?
(2) Washington, D C
1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!
(3) Tokyo, Japan
1630-September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?
(4) Washington, D C
2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!
Rock 105.3 FM Banner in San Diego, Chargers Stadium
While I was at the 1st preseason game for the San Diego, Chargers on Thursday I saw a banner for Rock 105.3 FM. I thought it would be a great idea to take a photo of it and give a shout out to the awesome radio personalities over at the radio station. Eddie, Sky, Ashlee, & Thor this one’s for you.
Qualcomm Stadium San Diego, California
I went to Qualcomm stadium for the 1st time in my life. I tried to get photos of outside the stadium and also inside the stadium. Here are my photos from that experience.
The Importance of Water
Interview with 101 year-old Hattie Mae MacDonald of Feague, Kentucky:
Reporter: Can you give us some health tips for reaching the age of 101?
Hattie: For better digestion I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss I drink white wine. For low blood pressure I drink red wine. In the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch. And when I have a cold I drink Schnapps.
Reporter: When do you drink water?
Hattie: I’ve never been that sick.
Coronado Bridge
Here are some sights you can see while driving over the Coronado bridge in San Diego, California.
Torrey Pines Beach Surf
Today I drove over to Torrey Pines state park in San Diego, California and the surf looked great for body boarding. Here are some photos of the surf at roughly 8:30 A.M.
The Coyote Principle
CALIFORNIA
– The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.
-The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
– He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
– He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
– The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
– The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
– The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
– The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
– The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training for the nature of coyotes.
– PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.
TEXAS
– The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
– The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a 0.45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
– The buzzards eat the dead coyote.
And that is why California is broke and Texas is not.
The Way Women Think
Husband’s Text Message to wife
Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife’s Response:
Who’s Paula?
Rules Are Rules
A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his Mother asks if he has done his chores.
“Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon, and why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “You gonna tell him or should I?”
Jewish Mother’s Know Best
A Jewish daughter says to her mother, “I’m divorcing Nathan.” All he wants is sex, sex, and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 – cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel.”
Her mother says…
“You’re married to a multi – millionaire businessman! You live in an 8 bedroom mansion! You drive a $ 250,000 Ferrari! You get $2,000 a week allowance! You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away…over 45 cents!!!!?”
How To Catch A Bear
A man in Michigan ‘s Upper Peninsula wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there’s an ad for “Up North Bear Removers.”
He calls the number and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pit bull.
What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.
“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.
“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”