Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.” “Well,” said the big …
When I was in Las Vegas, Nevada I came across this restaurant. I saw the name and had to laugh because “chin chin” in Japanese means penis. I can’t say that I want to eat here. Who knows what they might serve? Yikes!
Is it fighting a bull without a weapon? Is it flying a fighter in combat? Is it free fall parachuting? Is it bungee jumping? Is it white water rafting? Ah – But aare nothing! This, my friend, is true courage: (It’s also the last photo I have of my dog.)
Confucius Say: It’s OK to let a fool kiss you; but don’t let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say: A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Confucius Say: Marriage …
Now that I think about it, my day is going pretty good.
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. “Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, “Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?” “I …
I stopped by the Ford Dealership in Temecula yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 aluminum pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck “feel” before they become old. The salesperson, a very nice looking black lady, wearing a “Hillary for President” lapel …
I was at the Sea Life Aquarium and I saw this sign. The way the sign shows a finger pointing at a fish with a line through it and then the outside fish has a sad face, it looks like the sign is saying, “Don’t point at the fish. It hurts their self esteem.” Maybe …
So I was going through a box I have of old stuff from high school and I found these McDonald’s signs for burgers of the month. I can’t believe I still have these things. Before I throw them away I decided to scan them into my computer and share them because the date on these …
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a’gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. …
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decid ed it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning …
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son. The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s …
A good lesson for all… Bob’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing? Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer.
For the 1st time in their 3 year marriage, a wife asked if her husband would mind making the next day’s lunches for them both. Obligingly he agrees. The next morning, the young wife asks her loving husband, ‘Where are our lunches honey?’ He replied, ‘I put them on the second shelf of the fridge. …
A married couple goes to a marriage counselor to work out some problems. The counselor sits them down and says “Let’s start by talking about what you both have in common.” The husband says, “Well for starters, neither one of us will suck a dick.”
The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?”…. Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I screwed a girl named “Penny.” Is that spooky or what?
