DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage …
Tag: money
Problems Incurred When Implementing New Technology
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to describe what types of problems are most likely to be incurred while implementing a technology into an organization, such as the collaboration system into the organization for Kucera Clothiers scenario. Also included within this document are recommendations for how the problems can be resolved. This document is …
Problems a Business Can Incur
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to describe what types of problems are most likely to be incurred while implementing a technology into an organization, such as the collaboration system into the organization for Kucera Clothiers scenario. Also included within this document are recommendations for how the problems can be resolved. This document is …
Strategic Information Management
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide a basic understanding of managing information systems by utilizing a scenario of a store that has multiple sites and locations to deliver products in a fast and efficient manner. The corporate IT strategy is to improve IT communications throughout the organization. There are three projects under …
Grandma & Grandpa
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re very strong and very expensive.” “How much?” asked Grandpa. “$10.00 a pill,” Answered the son. …
Cyber Crime Offenders
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is intended to discuss motives, opportunity, and means of typical cyber offenders. Also included within this document are three different reasons of why some cyber crime offenders are prosecuted, while others are not. This document is intended for anybody looking to gain a basic understanding of why different people …
Two Plastic Bags
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag. Oh …
Business Continuity
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide a basic knowledge of how having a business backup plan can maintain business continuity. Also included within this document are guidelines to maintain business continuity and an explanation of some consequences for not following the business continuity guidelines. [Content] When the September 11th attacks on the …
Oil Change Instructions
Oil Change instructions for Women: 1.) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change. 2.) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper. 3.) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $40.00 Coffee: $2.00 Total: $42.00 Oil …
Financial Institutions Handle Privacy
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to analyze why many financial institutions assess privacy as a compliance issue as opposed to a risk management issue. Included within this document are two different current regulations to help consumers protect their privacy. Also included within this document is an example of the primary causes of network …
Retired Sailor
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads to the docks once more for old times’ sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, “How am I …
Choosing a Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new …
Bubba and the Psychiatrist
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. ‘I’ve got problems Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’ ‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid …
Differences Between Women And Men
1. NAMES If Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne go out for lunch, they will call each other Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne. If Mark, Harold, Dave and Rob go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Harold, Dave and …
Urine Test
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do …
Bravest Firemen
One dark night outside a small town in Wisconsin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed …
Money
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door. SON : “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?” SON : “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do …
Italian Lawyers
A professor of law had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, “Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the land owners for lots of money?” Told it was true, the lawyer …
Thailand Crocodile Show
Today I went over to the Pattaya crocodile farm and watched a crocodile show. The only thing I can say is, “Holy Crap!” This guy climbed into a pit with a bunch of crocodiles. He then began to do things like open their mouths and stick his hand in it. Then he tapped their teeth …
Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage …
Elderly Marriage
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:“So I hear you”re getting married?”“Yep!”“Do I know her?”“Nope!”“This woman, is she good looking?”“Not really.”“Is she a good cook?”“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”“Does she have lots of money?”“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”“Well, then, is she good in bed?”“I don’t know.”“Why in the world do you …
Be Careful When You Have a Fast Car, it Could Hurt
A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light. An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks over the Vette and says, “What kind of car ya got there sonny?” The man …
The $1000 Bet
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the …
Management 101
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office…..but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I’ll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you….but the girl said no. Johnny said I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money …
Short Harley Davidson Jokes
Have you heard about the new Harley-Davidson beer? You put it in your fridge and it leaks overnight. Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower. Is it true that Harleys are chick magnets? Yes, but only if the chick has a steel plate in her …
4th Graders
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. Little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic dancer in a …
New prescription?
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila. Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help …
Plastic Garbage Bags
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her….”Ma’am, there are $20 bills …
A Christmas Story
Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed.He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,Instead of “Thanks Santa”–what do I hear?The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.The …
3 Certainties
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 60s or early 70s. “Can I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Natalie’ the man replied. “Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else.” said the madam. “No. …
Home Wireless Network Users Need to Properly Secure Their Networks From Threats
In recent years, technology has been rapidly developing. This development introduced us to the Internet, commercial networks, and even home networks to move towards using wireless networks. In America, home networks are the vast majority of users on the Internet. Since home networks are the majority of users on the Internet, you will learn about …