Tag: slow
Church Bells
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother …
Best Wednesday Ever!
This morning I was driving to work and listening to The Show on Rock 105.3 FM. One of the topics that was being talked about was the California sever drought going on right now. I attempted to call into the Show and all I kept getting was a busy signal. So I decided to write …
Married Life
– The wife’s back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. – My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. – I …
Interesting Questions – Oxymorons
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something …
Italian Solution
A Catholic priest, a doctor, a rich businessman , and an Italian Guy from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian Guy from New York fumed, ‘What’s with those frickin’ jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’ The doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t …
Oxymorons
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something …
Ole & Lena
Sven is passing by Ole’s hay shed one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Ole doing a slow and deliberate striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right suspender of his weathered Oshkosh denim overalls, followed …
Traffic Ticket
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Nowhere, Tennessee . He decides to prove this to himself and …
Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage …
Tickle Me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock …
If You’re Going to Live in the South, Know These Rules
1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. 2. It”s called a “gravel road. ” No matter how slow you drive, you”re going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way. 3. The red …
Business Trip
I recently have arrived home from a business trip. This trip was to Seattle. The area around Seattle was nice. The forests were gorgeous, but the weather was a little too cold for me. Also it was cloudy all the time there. Other than that the business trip was a success. Other business associates and …