Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer: I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS. I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed …
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be …
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question…. WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?” HUSBAND: “Definitely not!” WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?” HUSBAND: “Of course I do..” WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you …
– I had just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage roll. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’ I told him ‘I wish I had your f**king will power’. – I got fired on my …
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would …
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. …
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could …
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, “Then …
A guy goes to the Nv. State High way Dept. to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.” “Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.” The interviewer says, “That …
*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:* **** * 40-ish…………………………….49. * Adventurous……………………..Slept with everyone. * Athletic…………………………..No breasts. * Average looking…………………Moooo. * Beautiful…………………………Pathological liar. * Emotionally Secure………………On medication. * Feminist………………………….Fat. * Free Spirit………………………..Junkie. * Friendship first…………………..Former Slut. * New-Age…………………………Body hair in the wrong places. * Old-fashioned……………………No B.J.’s * Open-minded…………………….Desperate. * Outgoing…………………………Loud and embarrassing. * Professional………………………Bitch. * Voluptuous………………………Very …
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard …
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ ‘Yep!’ ‘Do I know her?’ ‘Nope!’ ‘This woman, is she good looking?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘Is she a good cook?’ ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ ‘Does she have lots of money?’ ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’ ‘Well, then, is …
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ …
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?” “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub”. “Oh, I understand,” …
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, …
Dear Sirs, I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable t.v. from them back in 1987, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on …
I bought one of those Topsy Turvy’s like what you see on T.V. It looked like an interesting design and I wanted to see how well it worked. I planted some tomatoes in it and kept it watered very nicely. The cool thing about this design is that you are taking the dirt out of …
My wife was always after me to go shopping with her. Then I began wearing my favorite t-shirt. Now she doesn’t want me to go shopping with her anymore.
A man was in a terrible accident, and his “manhood” was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for small, $6,500 for …
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Nowhere, Tennessee . He decides to prove this to himself and …
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on..” She did and said, ‘These …
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it’s a gay bar. “What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.” When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your willy?” The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All …
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide an implementation and management plan, as part of a scenario, for implementing a collaboration system into Kucera Clothiers. Included within this document is a definition of the organizational goals or communication issues the collaboration system will resolve. Also included within this document is an explanation of …
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to describe two different business trends and determine if current business trends have a positive or negative affect on the company by utilizing a scenario of a store that has multiple sites and locations to deliver products in a fast and efficient manner. The corporate IT strategy of …
[Abstract] The purpose of this document is intended to discuss motives, opportunity, and means of typical cyber offenders. Also included within this document are three different reasons of why some cyber crime offenders are prosecuted, while others are not. This document is intended for anybody looking to gain a basic understanding of why different people …
I got roped into going on a business trip for training and they twisted my arm to fly to Hawaii where I stayed in the Hilton Hawaiian Village. Overall this was a nice hotel with nice services, however it was a bit pricy and it seems as though it is a trap. The hotel has …
Today I took the train for about an hour and stopped at Kawasaki to meet a Japanese guy who worked at IBM. We filled out the necessary forms right there in the train station and then I had to fight rush hour traffic for an hour to get back home. That was my first time …
Abstract The purpose of this document is to explain specific properties that a digital signature should have. This document also provides an explanation of the differences between direct and arbitrated digital signatures. Lastly this document explains what a suppress-replay attack entail. This document is intended for anybody looking to gain a basic understanding or a …
Abstract The purpose of this document is to provide a basic understanding of public-key cryptography. Also included within this document is a description of the basic components to the public-key cryptography system. This document is intended for anybody looking to gain a basic understanding or knowledge of public-key cryptography. Content When the Internet was first …
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When his wife asked him why, he replied, “Well, she still hasn’t used the gift I bought her last year!” And that’s how the fight started… ————————– My wife walked …
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two and gorgeous. One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to …
